Our makeshift family
by another.maggie
Summary: Eight-year-old Parker Ford keeps a secret that destroys her whole life. How far will the girl go to protect her family? Rated M just to be safe.
1. Nate's POV at his family

**I do not own Leverage.**

Our makeshift family

My family is what most people would call a perfect family. I'm married to a beautiful wife, who I love very much and who loves me back every single day. We've got three kids, all of them special in their own way. They're kind and well mannered. It seems like no one can get enough of telling us how great we've raised our children. We seem like the perfect family. Except we're not.

Me and my wife got married after five years of being a couple. I met her ten years ago that day. We met at a summer camp she joined. I actually was one of the senior kids, who helped with the younger ones. She caught my eye right away. We became friends. When she was nineteen we became a couple. We never really cared about the four year gap between us. We were happy.

Sophie was born in Oxford, but she told me right away she didn't want to necessarily stay in England. We moved to Los Angeles, my birth town and the place we met. Sophie used to say that it would be great having our children the place I was born. She got pregnant soon after we got married.

I don't know about our baby's gender. We never found out. She miscarried at two months. We hadn't told many people at this point, yet we were heartbroken. It was one of Sophie's friends, her bridesmaid Maggie, to cheer us up. We tried again. She miscarried. We tried again. This time the baby was born full term.

We named her Samantha Jane, so that we could call her SJ. Sophie loved the Southern sound of that. She was so cute. Every piece of her body was teeny tiny. She was so fragile I was a little shy touching her at first. She was beautiful and tiny. Too tiny.

Her skull was so small it wouldn't offer enough space for her brain. They put her under surgery two minutes after she was born. They had to make some space or she would die. They cut several holes into her skull. She had some dark hair on it already.

I never got to touch her until she died three days after she was born. I didn't accept it right up front. When they came telling me SJ died I just ran around screaming "No!". I was desperate. Sophie must have been as desperate as me or even some more, but she didn't show. She helped me survive the goodbye we gave our baby girl, the funeral and everything. I'm still sorry I was that bad of a husband this months.

The doctors told us it was genetic. If we'd try for another baby it would be sick as SJ with a chance of 75%. Sophie didn't care. She wanted to try again. She wanted to try for that 25% chance of a healthy baby. Half a year after SJ died Sophie was pregnant again. One day I came home to find her in the bathroom crying. Blood was spread all over the floor. "Why so much blood", she asked. I got myself sterilized two weeks after that. I didn't want her to suffer more pain.

She was angry. She actually yelled at me, because I destroyed our 25% chances rattling them down to zero chances. She was angry, she was sad. She wouldn't speak to me in two months, only yell at me from time to time.

Free moths after my sterilization she came up with prospects from American Adoption Agencies. I was suspicious. Adopting a child wasn't a piece of the cake. We would have to go through a lot. We would probably wait for another ten years until we would be allowed to take a child into foster care.

"I know it's a lot, but we should try", she begged me, "Please."

I agreed, of course. I took all chances of us having a child naturally and I knew she wouldn't want to have a child with someone else. Plus, I didn't know if I could raise Sophie's child if it wasn't mine. I would love it for sure, but I knew I could have never stopped thinking that it was someone elses. I didn't know how this would interact with the adoption process, but I felt completely different about adopting a child, who wasn't related to neither Sophie nor me.

We agreed on taking a child up to eight years since it set our chances higher. We also agreed we would not take siblings. We wanted to start with one child, because we didn't know how good or bad we would do as fosters.

We moved to Boston in order to leave things behind. We didn't want to be a burden to our foster child. We didn't want him or her to feel like a replacement, neither. Sophie worked in a decoration center nearby and I stayed with IYS insurance agency. I actually got a new job offered in a higher position, which I took. A stable income is good for adoption.

However, we got a call from the agency two years after we moved. The boy's name was Eliot. He was seven turning eight years in August. His father died of a stroke and no one wanted to take him. His older sisters felt too young to take care of him. It was an open adoption.

We were a little scared back by this open adoption thing. We didn't really want to share him with someone. I wanted to say no immediately, but Sophie made me meet him first. At least, we had already waited for two years to that day.

Eliot is a great boy. He already was great when he got to us, though. But our parenthood is not to be sneezed at either if I might say so. He gave us a chance after he had met us, but I'm sure he would have said no If we wouldn't have met him before. Back then he was already carefully choosing which people he'd let around him.

Eight years of living are a lot to catch up. We had to learn what he likes and what he doesn't likes. Which scents he's allergic to, which sickness he had already. It's a lot to catch up. I haven't finished until today. Last week we went to Disneyland as I thought for the first time to the kids. Eliot shook his head telling me: "I went here with Tara (one of his sisters, just to let you know) when I was six. Don't blame you, Nate, you can't know about that." He's said a lot of those sentences over the past years, but most of them he told us the first months we spent together.

I took my whole holidays to spend the two first weeks with my family. Eliot didn't have to go to school until August so we spent them getting to know each other. I enjoyed every moment of that time and I bet Sophie did, too. I don't know about Eliot, but he seemed to be more than fine.

We send him to a private school just because we could afford it, but after attending it for some months he asked us whether he could go to a public school. We let him change the school, of course. One of us dropped him off at school every morning. Our house is in the suburban and we didn't want him to get up at five o'clock just to catch the latest bus.

Social workers came by to check on him half a year, but they were pretty pleased most of the time. After two years they stopped coming by. We were a family, finally.

Eliot was eleven when he asked if he could go to boarding school. "Don't get me wrong", he told us, "I love you both. I'd just like to spend a year in France or Brazil or somewhere." He actually attended a french boarding school for two years.

We got lonely during this time. All the laughter our son had filled the house with suddenly gone. We felt lost. Whenever he came over in his holidays we enjoyed every single second of it, but I could see that something was bothering Sophie and it didn't take me long to figure out. How she would walk by the stores and look at those pink dresses, those big plushies... She wanted a daughter.

We had talked about adopting another child before, but we always dropped the issue somehow. This one time she was staring at the windows of some store with a heartbreaking expression on her face I just had to make a move.

Parker was not a bit what I had expected after the Agency send me her picture. It was a happy picture. She was smiling into the camera next to her twin brother. The Agency told us he was killed by their stepfather. He had just driven him over half a year ago. They also revealed to us their stepfather had been abusive on both kids, but when it came to Parker the abuse included rape.

She was only five.

When we met her at the orphanage she refused to say something. She was sitting at the swings hugging her Bunny close to her heart. A woman of the agency told us that she didn't say a word except for "Yes" and "No" since her brother died. It wasn't going to be easy. Eliot wasn't broken when he joined us. She was. She needed to be fix. Yet still I didn't want any other girl to join us.

Sophie bonded with Parker immediately. For some reason the little girl trusted her right away. That didn't get her from putting her bed against the door every night, though. But it was good. Parker's eyes were haunted. When she looked at me she would watch carefully. She'd flinch whenever I moved my hand. It took her one year to share a word with me.

She started talking two months after she joined us soon after Eliot returned from France. One day she just walked into the kitchen asking: "Have you seen Bunny?" We searched two hours for her plushie until we found it in the air vents. Parker had climbed into them, because we fixed her bed to the ground so that she couldn't move it anymore. In case of a fire or something it could have been quiet dangerous. She said she wouldn't feel safe in her bed if the door was opened, but she felt save in that vents. We got the bed moveable the same day.

Parker has skipped two years at school. Today she's in fifth grade at a private school. The kids mocked her at the public school, plus she's in the same class as Hardison now, that's why.

Hardison is the only one of our children we haven't adopted yet. It wasn't us, though. If it was up to us we would have adopted him right away. His grandma is very sick. She got sick one year ago. They would have sent him into orphanage if it wasn't to us and Parker.

One day I picked her up from school and she was really sad. I asked her what was wrong and she told me. Since she had changed schools Alec Hardison, who'd be rather called by his surname than anything else, had been her best friend. He was on her school by scholarship, because he was really intelligent. His parents were dead and he lived with his grandma, who got sick. We talked to his grandmother soon and she agreed for us to take care of him.

Hardison visits his grandma at the hospice. Every Friday he comes to tell her what happened at school. Sometimes he brings either Parker or Eliot with him. We first didn't want our baby girl to go there, but after her aids-test and everything nothing is going to shock her anymore.

Some people might call us a perfect family. Our kids are intelligent, healthy and gross. Eliot is a passionate cook. Parker is an excellent artist and loves gymnastics. Hardison is excellent with computers and arts. They're all very kind with each other, barely pick up a fight. My wife loves me just as much as I love her. We're happy. Maybe we are what some people think of when they imagine a perfect family. Except we're not.

We're us, as Eliot and Parker put it.

I figure, us is my personal perfect.

**So... thoughts? =)**


	2. Sophie's POV on Monday

**I do not own Leverage.**

Sophie's POV

Mondays are my days to pick up the little ones. Their class ends 2pm. Parker is always very hyped trying to tell me her whole day in twenty seconds. Alec is mostly quiet. He only tells me about his day if I ask him. I guess, because he still believes he'll return to his Nana one day and we will return to be Parker's parents instead of his foster parents. I know I should be happy he hasn't lost faith yet, but I'm not. I'm afraid he'll fall even deeper when he finally acknowledges the truth.

Today, though, Parker's exprisingly calm. She tells me they learned the passé compose in French and then she sits and the backrow not saying a word. She has those days when she isn't all parkerish. I consider them alright. Even our wild child needs a rest sometimes.  
It gives Alec the chance to speak, but he doesn't say anything. Not that I would have expected him to talk.

"So, Alec, how was your day?" I start the car, take a look at the rear mirror. Alec's playing with his gameboy. He doesn't seem like he's heard me. "Alec." Still, no reaction. I sigh and pull out of the parking space.

Two silent children are almost as hard as two hyperactive children, believe me. As long as those two children are Alec and Parker.

When we return at home Parker can't wait for me to open the door. As soon as I opened it she storms into the bathroom and closes the door. Alec shrugs and goes upstairs. I'm worried, but I don't want to embarass her or something. Parker can be quiet shy whether she talks all day.

She didn't say a word but "Yes" or "No" when I met her.

I fix some tea then I place two pots on the kitchen table. It's our tradition. A tradition no one else is a part of. We always have tea together on Mondays even when one of us gets sick. The water is already cold again when my baby girl enters the kitchen.

"I'm sorry", she mutters before I even get to ask her.

"Oh, it's alright, Bunny." I pat the seat next to me, Parker's seat. "I'm just curious what took you so long."

I get up as she sits down in order to turn water heater on. Parker plays with her bracelet focusing on it. She loves that thing. It's not very pretty, but her late mother gave it to her when she died. Parker rarely leaves the house without it.

"Well... I... uhm... I..."She looks at her bracelet like crazy. I can see she's forming a new story in her mind. Apparently, she doesn't want to tell me what happened. That hurts.

"It's alright, Parks", I hear myself saying, "If you don't wanna tell me that's fine. Just don't lie to me, alright?"

Parker looks straight into my eyes a wry smile on her pretty face and still she looks relieved. "Why thank you", she says.

"So, passé compose, huh", I start a hare to make her feel less uncomfortable, "Sounds interesting."

"Nah, it isn't." Parker yawns to verify her point. "It's just the past, that's all. Like when I'm saying: I went to the school today. That's the past."

"And what would that be in French, honey?"

She blinks her beautiful blue eyes thinking. They're so similar to Eliot's that most people assume Alec's our only child adopted. That makes him feel like the odd one out. Parker looks nothing like us, though. She's beautiful, stunning actually, but not in a way me or Nate will ever be.

"Je suis allé aux lycee aujourd'hui", she finally says.

I nod. "That's right", I confirm and Parker gives a smile. This time it's a real smile.

The water heater clicks. It's finished.

Parker roses up. "I'll get the cookies", she says. She loves cookies. The chocolate chip cookies I made on Saturday are her all time favourite. I try not to give her too much sugar, though. She always gets hyperactive if she has too much sugar. If she would be running around the house only that would be fine with me, but sometimes her mood changes quickly and she has some kind of emotional breakdowns thinking about all the stuff that happened to her before she was with us.

I catch her in the action.

"What's that", I ask pointing at her hands. They're dirty all over.

Parker blushes as if I'd revealed something.

"I'll go and clean them", she announces literally running out of the room.

I'm left to wonder what's on my daughter's mind and how I can help her cope with it.

**What do you think is on Parker's mind...?**


	3. Eliot's POV on Wednesday

**I do not own Leverage.**

**Sorry I kept you waiting for so long.**

****Eliot's POV on Wednesday

Wednesday's my favourite day of the week. Since ever I attend High School I enjoyed them even more. I go to judo on Mondays and Thursdays, karate is up on Tuesdays and Fridays. My spare time takes place at Wednesdays and weekends only. I love my training, but the spare time is a nice alternation sometimes, I gotta say.

On Wednesdays I cook for my family. I love cooking. It's a quest of passion as I put it. Hardison mocked me once saying it was gay. Of course it isn't. I told him girls love guys, who cook. Since he's nine he's all eww about girls except for Parker and Parker isn't all girly girl.

Robert Jackson, Bobby J to his equally preppy friends, once made Parker cry when he referred to her as a tomboy. Even though she left the class soon after that and all the other bad stuff happened Bobby J will never forget about her. Most likely he won't forget about me even more.

I didn't beat him. I don't beat kids, who're younger than me. But he won't forget that you better not mess with Eliot Ford's little sister.

I'm experimenting today. I like to try new stuff.

Last year I started growing my herbs. I still by the spices. We don't have the optimal weather or air to grow herbs, I'm still working on it. But most of them grow in the conservatory. I'd grew several: Parsley, Sage, Oregano, Mint, Thyme and Rosemary, for example. I'd like to grow Corriander, too, but it doesn't seem to work. Still I've been very creative this year: I planted a little lemon tree.

Every Wednesday I check on my herbs and plants, take some and cook something. The lemon tree doesn't grow fruits (yet?), but maybe he'll have a better chance next year.

I don't even drop my bag off today, not before I check on my plants. They're all here. Beautiful plants. I prefer cooking to growing them, but it kind of belongs together. Parker offered to water them every second day... I wonder...

Hm? The earth of my lemon tree is churned. I'm pretty sure I didn't leave it that way. No one messes with my siblings. No one messes with my plants, neither. Especially not with my lemon tree!

Since it's already digged I dig some more. Sometimes the dog next door finds his way through the fence and buries some chewed bones beneath or between my plants. Ruined my harvest at least two times since I started. I wonder what he's buried there today.

There's actually something. But it isn't hard like a bone... it's smooth...

I know the shape of it. Actually I see it like everyday.

It's out. It's what I supposed it to be. I wonder why that dog would bury this...

I have to tap of the earth first before I go over to Dr. Nelson to complain. Again. This must be going on his nerves pretty bad, too. Maybe he might even try...

Oh.

Well, this is nothing like what I expected.

"SOPHIE!"

**So, what do y'all think? I've got some pretty bad testpapers the next weeks. But I'll try to upload asap.**


	4. Parker's POV on Wednesday

**I do not own Leverage.**

**Sorry I kept you waiting... again.**

****Parker's POV on Wednesday

I'm with Olivia today. We're good friends. She's in my ballet class.

When I first asked to spent a day with her my parents went all crazy. They were extremely happy, but they tried to hide it. I understand them though. I know I wasn't always the easy going child. Eliot was. Still is. I'm just the nestling, who doesn't know how to fit in. I'm still looking for my spot in my family, though I live with them for years already.

Sometimes when I visit Liv Alec joins us and we play house. He doesn't like that. Probably that's why he doesn't join us as often anymore.

We're playing another game today. It's new. Liv's mother sent it for her birthday. She took off to the Bahamas years ago. It's a miracle she even remembers Liv's birthday. My BM doesn't. Not that I care. Not much.

The game is quiet hard for us to learn. It's chess. I've seen Daddy play chess couple of times. Sometimes he invites Liv's father for a chess game. I like that. When Liv's father comes for a game he always brings Liv.

Except for Alec Liv is my only friend. Maybe that's why I care so much. I don't know if I'd care so much If I had more friends. Liv has more friends than I do. Kids think I'm strange. I don't know what they know or what their parents told them about me, but it doesn't feel nice. I hate ballet class even though I'm pretty good and stretchable. The only reason I haven't quit yet is I'm having it with Liv.

Liv likes the white tokens better so she gave me the black ones. I don't like black that much, but it's her birthday present and I don't like picking up a stupid fight about two so called colors. To me they aren't even colors.

Last year my teacher talked to my parents, because I was drawing all day in class. That's how I got to be in the art class of Miss Daisy. Daisy is actually her last name. She didn't tell us her first name. Not that it bothers me. But I'd really like to know her first name. Maybe it's something like her surname? Mh. Lily Daisy sounds gross.

Anyways - I picked something up at Miss Daisy's class: All colors we use are included in the rainbow. Have you ever seen a rainbow including black or white? See.

El told me something about refraction though. He said something like "all colors come out of white". That was yesterday. I'm gonna ask Miss Daisy in class tomorrow. Dad wasn't there so I couldn't ask him whether it was true. I could ask Liv.

"Liv, do you know about refraction?"

"Refraction? No. I've never heard of it. What is it?"

"Nevermind."

So I'll have to ask Miss Daisy. She's nice and pretty smart. She'll know the answer.

"It's your turn, Parks."

Ohh. Liv moved one of the towers. I don't know how much danger I put my tonkens in when I move them. It's the first time I play the game. I bite my lower lip. I don't like it when I'm stuck. But I don't want Liv to help me. I don't need any help. I need to grow up and finally stand up for myself.

You know, I've got this phrase from a book. I really liked it. Sadly, I can't recall the title anymore. It was one of Mom's English stuff. El once read it and Alec called him a fag for that. I don't know why reading a book makes you a cigarette, but El didn't like hearing that and quit reading the book. Alec doesn't speak a lot, but it seems like everything he says is causing trouble. Maybe that's why he's so adorable.

"Parker? Shall I help you?"

I shake my head no and move one tonken. I don't need any help.

Liv frowns. Apparently she didn't saw this one coming. Neither did I.

And neither did I saw Liv's dad storming into the room.

"Girls? Good you're here", he says walking over to the table we're sitting at.

"Of course we are", Liv replies. She seems to be just as confused as I am. "Where else should we be?"

He softly strokes her hair. I know that gesture. I like it when my parents do it. But when someone else does it... I don't like it.

"Nowhere... I was just... you know, checking up on you." He kisses Liv on the forehead. Then he spins around and looks at me. "Your dad will be here soon. He's taking you home for dinner."

We both furrowed our brows.

"I thought Parks would stay with us for dinner today?"

"I did think so to", I encourage my friend.

"Yeah, well..." Liv's dad looks at me in a way... it's scary. Gives me creeps. "Something happened. You have to get home earlier, Parker."

"What happened", I want to know knowing he won't tell me.

He shakes his head. "Nothing bad. No one is hurt, everyone's alive... you just have to get home."

I blink. And then the scales fell from my eyes. Eliot found it.

**I hope you liked this one aswell. =)**


	5. Hardison's POV on Thursday

**I do not own Leverage.**

****Hardison's POV on Thursday

I've never been the kid, who doesn't like school. Really. I actually always liked school. Still do. Especially since I'm in this school. Our class consists of fifteen kids only. Some of them really suck, but some of them are just too cool. Parker is.

Without me even noticing my eyes wander to the empty seat next to me. Again.

We've got maths right now. It's one of my favourite subjects. I love scienes. But not even maths is as fun when the place on my right is free. And it is.

Yesterday she didn't have dinner with us. Sophie didn't have dinner with us, neither. Since Parker returned from Olivia, who I still can't stand since she makes me play stupid games all the time, they've been up in Parker's room chatting. Probably they're not even chatting. I tried to catch something up walking through the corridor very slowly, but I couldn't hear a word and then Eliot nabbed me. He made me go to my bedroom after he had watched me brushing my tooth. He just wouldn't get away.

"Nate told us to stay away, Al", he said, "So we gonna do that, 'right?"

I nodded though I would have liked to say no.

Actually, Nate didn't even tell us to stay away. He asked as not to disturb them. That's a whole new ball game.

When we had breakfast today nobody bothered to set the table for Parker and Sophie. I'm pretty sure Nate brought them something, though. I heard the floorboards creak this morning and the the tray was missing.

Sophie didn't come down to bring us to school, whether it was her turn today. Nate dropped us off. Us boys. Me and Eliot. No sign of Parker. If Sophie wasn't with her I would go and check for vital signs.

I mustn't. I'm not allowed.

After maths I'll take tram to visit Nana. I suspect her to ask where I've left Parker and I still don't know what to say. I don't wanna lie to my Nana so I won't tell her what Nate told if I tell her Parker is sick she'll only worry.

I don't really know what is wrong with Parker. That bothers me the most, to be honest.

When she got home earlier then expected I knew something was going on. Her eyes were scary. Watching, frightened. I knew something was going on. But she got upstairs too fast I couldn't ask her. She's been in there for hours now. I wouldn't be surprised if she was still there when I get home from Nana.

Everyone knows what's going on except for me. I'm the only one who doesn't know about the issue. Eliot knows. I asked him to tell me, but he refused to say a word except: "Shut up and brush your tooth."

I wish I could go and talk to Parker. Maybe I could help her. Has anyone thought about that? At least, I'm her best friend. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a friend than talk to a family member, ya know. I can't believe they're actually keeping us apart. Obviously I'm not a part of this. If I'd be a part of this I'd have been sitting around my room for the past 24 hours with Nate, I guess.

I'm pissed.

Yeah. That's how I feel right now and I don't really care for maths anymore. Actually I don't really care for school anymore. I don't care for any of this as long as I don't know about Parker.

**Thoughts? =)**


	6. Thoughts about being a father - Nate

**I do not own Leverage.**

**So, someone is beta reading for me now, CLVayaella7. I really want to thank her for that. I hope you'll enjoy this story way more now.**

Nate's POV

There are only two things, I've always wanted for my children to be: happy and healthy.

When SJ was born with that horrible sickness I wished for her to get over it. I wanted her to be healthy again. As I watched her dying slowly, I realized in this life she wasn't going to be happy. All her life consisted of pain. That was the first time I failed as a father.

I wanted my daughter to keep living even though she wasn't happy and healthy. SJ only knew one feeling, pain. Even knowing that, I still wanted her to live. I was selfish. I failed and she died.

I'm happy she died. She didn't deserve to suffer, just because we couldn't cope with her dying. No, we were selfish. It was okay to be sad, but at the same time we should have been happy, she was finally at peace. We weren't.

Looking back I know it wasn't just a really bad day in our lives. Our daughter went to god. She was released from all the pain that tortured her. I don't actually think we've been bad parents for being sorry she was gone. We loved her. Nobody wants his loved one to die. How can death be happy? Well, for SJ it was happier than life, I guess.

It was a hard lesson to learn but with SJ, I learned that you sometimes have to put your children first if you want them to be happy even if it makes you feel sad. Like when we let Eliot go to boarding school. We felt sorry, but he was happy.

Or when Parker decided she didn't want me to come to her ballet class. I felt very sad, because she still didn't trust me after I tried so hard for the last year, but I know she feels more safe when Sophie is there to watch her and Parker just doesn't like men for some reason.

With Hardison it was the same. Two months ago, when his Nana got worse and was unconscious, I asked him whether I should accompany him to his Nana. He chose Parker over me and even though I had already seen that coming I was hurt. But he felt way better with Parker around him. Sometimes understanding makes you feel bad. Sometimes when your child doesn't want your help this makes you sad. I learned this lesson and I tried to be a good dad. All I wanted for them was to be happy and healthy, always.

Eliot taught me what it meant to read between the lines. He never directly told us his wishes. We always had to figure out ourselves what he really wanted from us. He would shrug when being asked a question and he would answer in enigmatic words when answering it. Before really getting to know him, we had to listen carefully. Still, he was our easier child if I might say so. He was almost eight when he joined us. Pleasing an eight-year-old boy isn't that hard. Whether he had family before or he hadn't. Eliot's father always made him feel as if he was responsible for his mother's death so I had good chances to be the ideal father figure. Eliot didn't ever get to meet his Mom so it was easy for Sophie to become his mother. Luckily, Eliot never cried over missing memories. He accepted very soon that his mother was never going to meet him and that he would never really know her. So he decided to care less, instead of being sorry for something he couldn't change.

Parker taught me patience. People warned us from taking her under our wings. "You don't want to raise an abused child. She won't be easy. She's broken." They said. They had no clue. If someone had kept us from adopting her; I never would have known how much I missed her, when she would throw food at Sophie.

We saw her and we knew she was ours. We didn't care for anything that had happened to her. She could have been deaf, blind, petrified – we would have faced every challenge to have her. But Parker wasn't disabled, she was abused and these are two different things. She didn't talk when we met her. Parker could talk that wasn't the thing. She just didn't want to talk anymore. She nodded and shook her head to answer, eventually she started to shrug, but she wouldn't open her mouth. Her therapist said she was most likely afraid of having something in it, that she couldn't see.

When we met her it was so bad she didn't even open her mouth to eat. They had to feed her intravenously. Yet she seemed not to care. The last time she spoke she only said yes and no, on a very small basis. I remember how happy we've become since she started talking, after being with us for only two months. But we were careful not to show so that she wouldn't change her mind about this whole talking thing. Even though she never directly addressed me until one year after, when the adoption was through. I think that's when she started trusting me more. Not that it matters. She trusts me now. Or at least she did.

I learned some lessons about being a father. Even Alec taught me some. He taught me how to talk seriously with him, even though he's twenty years younger than me. He's a great boy.

All our kids are great and until yesterday, I thought all of them were happy and healthy. Apparently, they aren't. Why would Parker bury bloody clothes in the garden if nothing had happened to her?

**R & R would be really nice. Thank you =)**


	7. Not a word - Parker

**I do not own Leverage.**

**A/N: This one was pretty hard for me to write. It was edited by my wonderful beta and she recommended to put a warning in front of this. So, I warn you. It's about child abuse and it includes swearing. I wrote words I'd never use myself. I hope you still like it even if the theme isn't something likeable.**

Parker's POV

For some reason I never took English classes seriously. Our last teacher, a pretty old and stern lady named Miss's Sommerfeld, was so annoyed that she talked to my parents because of that.

They asked me to pay a little more attention and since they're my parents and I do like them a lot for everything they've done for me and they're to me I really tried. It just wasn't possible. After strain listening for some minutes I always caught myself out of the window thinking about the things I could do instead of English.

I don't know if it was my fault, but one day Miss's Sommerfeld didn't come to our class anymore. There were some rumors that she had died and I felt sorry for that, but Mom explained to me that even if she had died this wouldn't be my fault and I took her by the word. Anyways, after not having English for some weeks (the best weeks of my whole life) we got a new teacher.

Mister Jonas Cheshire was handsome, smart, properly dressed and truly from England. I really liked him right away, especially his accent caught my eye – or should I rather say it could my ear?

With Mr. Cheshire being our new teacher everything seemed so plain and simple. I really enjoyed English. We didn't do the whole grammar stuff anymore. Instead we wrote poems and story books, we drew pictures of our feelings about poems we read and sometimes we would draw while he was reading to us.

I really like it when people read to me. I always wanted my mother to do that. But when we'd come sneaking around the corner with a book we had eventually found, stolen or borrowed from some neighbours kid she'd slap it out of our hands and yell at us.

Mom wanted to read to me right when I arrived at home. This was the time I still called her Sophie in my mind. I didn't talk. Opening my mouth used to bring up bad days. When she asked me if she should read to me, I shrugged. I didn't want anyone to be in my room. It was the first time I'd ever gotten a separate room. I always shared with Nick. I didn't mind, not really. I felt more safe with Nick around me. But when Jesse would by coming into our room I'd always tell Nick to leave. I didn't want him to see and I made sure he never did.

Mom kept asking me every night. It's always in my head. "Do you want me to read you a story, dear?" Mom usually calls me bunny, dear, darling, honey or anything cutesy, but not Parker.

I remember Alec being annoyed as I started paying attention in English. He really liked playing games or something during the class. Miss's Sommerfeld never addressed Nate or Sophie about him. Playing battleships isn't as fun when you play it alone. I just couldn't miss what Mr. Cheshire told us.

He talked about monsters of the sea, sirens and heroes to come and rescue them. He imitated the white rabbit and Alice falling down the whole, perfectly. He changed his voice for every character he was playing in this world. It was hilarious and yet amazing. He took us to places we've never been before and introduced us to characters of books I've never heard of, whether I'm very busy reading every book in our home library. And god, did he take us seriously! He even called us Mister and Miss instead of using our first names. I felt grown up and I liked that. I left English classes with a smile on my face and I just couldn't wait for the next to come.

I never talked to my parents about that, though. I didn't want to tell Mom how much I liked Mr. Cheshire's reading. I was afraid she'd think I didn't like hers, because it wasn't that inspiring. Alec never talked much to my parents. He just told Nana about Mr. Cheshire, but she didn't hear that, because she was unconscious at that time.

She was so pale. I've never seen a person that pale. Her wrinkly, pale skin was a huge contrast to Alec's dark, smooth hand. I drew a picture of him stroking her cheek. I still have that.

Now that she's better the contrast is kinda gone, but I like her more awake than unconscious.

I don't know why I didn't tell anyone about Mr. Cheshire. I think I should have. Now that it's too late I can't tell anyone anymore. He made me swear.

It started on Monday. We had a project. Everyone was busy working on it, but I was already finished. I did it at home. I spent my whole weekend gluing the blossoms to the ground and writing the poems in the best fond I could possibly write. So he asked me to help me with his copies. I replied yes. I trusted him without a doubt.

We went past the copy room, which got me asking. He said that I shouldn't worry that the copier was broken and we would go up into his office to copy there. Still, I didn't have any second thoughts. I should have.

His office was huge. He told me to put the papers I carried on his desk. Meanwhile he locked the door. As I heard the noise I knew what was going on. I scanned the room for vents or anything to escape. The window was locked. The vents were too high for me to reach. I was captured. He must have noticed my reaction, because he smiled evilly. He seemed to be amused. I wasn't. I was scared as hell.

"So, you do know what this is, right, Miss Ford?" He started working on his belt. My eyes widened. I ran around the desk, but he caught me and held me. "Shh, shh. You don't wanna do that, Missy, I swear to god. If you run away I'll do things your thumb sucker of a stepfather wouldn't

have ever done to you. Just work with me and it'll work for you."

I didn't know what to do. I tried to escape. I scratched and bite him. I even screamed. But he eventually put his fist into my mouth and I had to throw up.

"See what a mess you've created" he said, taking me by my hair and forcing me to smell my own vomit and this caused me to throw up again. "You'll clean this up when we're done."

I decided it wasn't working well. I couldn't escape. So I tried begging. I had to try… "Please… Please, don't do it" I begged. He laughed at me. Loud and long. It cut me deep.

"Don't be so foolish. Undress yourself" he demanded.

"Please…" He slapped me. Not so hard you could see, but it hurt. "Do it, now!"

I did what I was told. I did everything he wanted me to. I surrendered myself to him, not knowing that he would want me to do everything. It wasn't like Jesse. It was worse. I cried all the time. I just couldn't stop myself. It hurt so much. I lost blood and at the look I almost fainted and threw up again. It was hard to keep myself. Maybe it would have been better if I'd been unconscious like Nana. When I felt his hands all over my body I asked him to stop, but he didn't even listen anymore. He was different from the man I'd known. He was so much worse, this alone made me cry. When he was done he watched as I cleaned up my vomit naked. He said he wouldn't give me my clothes back until I was finished. They were bloody anyways.

"You got your second uniform with you" he asked. I told him yes, told him the combination of my locker and he went to get it for me. He put the bloody clothes into a bag and I had to dress in my other clothes. But there was no second set underwear and I had to wear the pants I'd worn before. There was a little unicorn in front of it. I've never liked them. Now the unicorn's horn made me hate them some more. I had to get rid of them.

"Sit down on the table" he demanded. He spread my legs. I was afraid of what to come now when he started cleaning the blood off my thighs. Then he brushed my hair. I've always loved Mommy doing that, but I didn't like him doing it not a bit. When I had changed back into my normal looking self he kneeled down and looked me right into the eye. "If you tell anyone what has happened" he said "I'll kill your family. I'll start with your dumb nigger brother and continue with your parents. Then I'll force your second brother to have some fun with you and then I'll kill him and make it look like you did this. Understand?"

I nodded. I did understand. On the way back to the classroom Mr. Cheshire told me what I'd tell Alec if he'd ask where I've been so long. He did ask, of course. "The copier was broken so we had to go to the store and there was an endless queue."

Now I'm sitting here with Dr. Blackwood and I know I can't tell her anything that happened, because he'll come and kill them all. I'm glad I know where my parents are right now. I'm glad it's Saturday so that Al and El are at home. I'm glad grandpa Jimmy watches over them. If he wouldn't Mr. Cheshire could kill them right away. I know about that. But I know I can't tell. Maybe I'll stop talking. Maybe it'll help.

"Parker, it's alright" Dr. Blackwood says, "I'm not gonna do anything. Nothing's gonna happen. Just tell me what happened. Why did you bury these clothes?"

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "I'm not saying a word without bunny" I say.

Bunny's at home. It will take half an hour or something to find her. Until that I can think of another excuse.

**R & R would be really nice. It's the first time I've written something like this and I'm really interested in your thoughts.**


	8. the psychologist's thoughts

**Thanks to my beta. :)**

**I do not own Leverage.**

Dr. Blackwood's POV

Parker is still sitting on the chase lounge not saying a thing. She hasn't said anything since she asked for her bunny. She hasn't said anything when Mrs. Ford gave it to her, neither. Usually, Parker is very certain showing how grateful she is. A 'thank you' at least.

But not today.

She's sitting there clutching her beloved plushie to her chest breathing hard. I watch as her shoulders go up and down. She isn't having a panic attack at least not yet, but you can tell she's close. It's heartbreaking.

I've got a lot to do with children. Parker isn't the first girl abused by her stepfather I've seen. But psychoanalysis isn't something you can learn and then use to describe every case of abuse. Parker's story is different from Felicia. Felicia is different from Hannah. And Hannah is different from me. You can't just push us into one drawer. We're all different.

I remember the time I went to see my first psychologist. It was strange. I trembled and I couldn't really talk. She asked me questions so intense I wouldn't talk to anyone but myself about it. I really try to do better than that, but sometimes it's hard.

It's hard today. All my former and current clients went to me after the abuse. I met Parker when she moved in with her adoptive parents. She had already been to one psychologist back then, but she refused to talk and to eat. The Fords really are a good family. She made so much progress with them - it's amazing! She even started opening up to me one year ago.

Parker is a lovely child. She really looks to help out. She cares for her family quiet much. She likes to make sure everyone is fine. She enjoys spending time with her whole family, especially on trips. Sometimes when she doesn't want to talk about her stepfather she tells me of her new gained family instead of that. Even though that's not meant to be discussed in our sessions I've finally decided that if it helps her she should do that.

But today I have to push her. And, God! do I hate that!

I really don't wanna do this, but everything that happened points at a new case of abuse. We have to find the man (or woman), who did this to her.

She doesn't wanna tell. Her parents tried for two days, because she refused to come here, they say. But I've got a whole other suspicion in mind. I know what parents will do to make it look like everything is alright at home. I just need Parker to talk.

"How about that? We'll play a game" I suggest to make her talk. She shrugs. As if she doesn't mind. But I can tell by the way she runs her tongue over her upper lip that she's nervous. I continue either way, I have to. "We've already played it once. Question and Answer, you remember?"

Parker doesn't react. She doesn't show any sign of recognition, actually. I give a weak smile.

"This is the game, where I'm asking you a question and you answer whatever pops into your head. We've already played it once." Parker whimpers almost soundlessly at pop. I forgot that her stepfather used to say 'pop a cherry'. Stupid me.

One thing I've learned is not to excuse. It would only make her know I noticed and she clearly didn't want me to. Plus, it will only bring embarrassment to the whole situation. It's stupid, but sometimes it helps.

"So, Parker... How was your weekend?"

"Fine" she whispers. But I'm glad she even gives a reply, so I don't mind.

"Did anything special happen?"

"No"

"And Monday? How 'bout Monday?"

She flinches look up at me and tells me with a blank stare. "Alright"

That girl lies directly into my eye. How tough she is.

"Don't you like Mondays, Parker?"

She clenches her teeth. Obviously, she doesn't wanna tell me about Monday. I make a note in my head that Monday is important.

"Where have you been on Tuesday?"

"Art class"

"And after that?"

"At home. I watched some movie with Al."

"Al, who?" It's always confusing for me to figure out if she's referring to her best friend Alec or her big brother Eliot. But I think it's important. Whether Eliot seems to be very protective and everything this could also be caused by him being in love with her more than he should be. It happens, sadly. And most parents watch. They might try asking their child to stop, but they just don't want their family to fall apart.

"Al-lec" she tells me seriously now looking back down at her green shoes. She's begged her parents into buying them for her. She actually didn't need them, but she just had to have them, as she put it. She needed them for her own good. She was so happy to find them on her own good. She was so happy to find them on her birthday table she told everyone about it, including me.

Alright. He's nine and probably won't do anything to her. That's good. I hate family tragedies. Especially for Parker it would be so bad since she's already been in a bad family and now she loves those people so much.

"Do you wanna tell me about Wednesday?" She shakes her head no. It's the day they found her clothes. They brought them with them today. I was shocked. Bloody all over I requested them to give them to the police. Actually, I wanted them to go to the police with Parker right away.

I don't know why, I just didn't think I could handle her right now. But they asked me to try talking to her, at least. And this is what I did. Still doing it, trying it at this very moment. It doesn't seem like she's much cooperative.

"How's about Thursday?"

"There's nothing to say about that. I spend the whole day with Mom in my room" she says

"What's about that one time when you went to the bathroom" I ask even though I know this is a high risky question to ask.

Parker touches her knuckles immediately. She blushes, but she doesn't seem to notice. She's ashamed. Her hands are in some layers of gauze bandage. She's punished her hand against the wall and tried to clean her skin off after that. She's not had a minute without being watched since then. Her blue eyes rise up and look into mine.

"I'm sorry for that. I don't know what grew on me, really. I didn't mean to do that. I just... The wall seemed so aggressive, you know?" I nod. I don't really understand why she punished the wall. I used to punch mirrors, but I was older than she is and I was different. Some people get anorexic some punch walls. Whatever helps. Most likely she tried to reach a new level of pain. Or she punished herself for being discovered.

"I'm sorry" she whispers stroking her knuckles looking down at her hands. If it wasn't for the reason it would be so cute.

I take a deep breath in, hope she doesn't notice. She's very alert.

"Alright, how about you tell me 'bout your parents? Your dad. He picked you up on Wednesday..."

"No, I don't wanna talk about them" she says quickly. She's now stroking her bunny's ears. "Could we talk about something else?"

"Well..."

"Have I told you about that time when I forgot bunny in the church? It was so sad..." I sigh. She won't talk about anything if I don't listen to that.

While she continues her thrilling story I think about everything. I come to a thought I don't like a bit, but I think there's no time for something like not liking.

If her father truly is abusing her it's gotta stop right now. And I know exactly what to do.

**What do you think? Did the new POV surprise / confuse you? Do you like it? What do you think will happen next? What do you want to happen next? Please tell me. I'm looking forward to figure it out.  
**

**Sorry about the repeat... deleted it right now. :P  
**


	9. Sophie is loosing it

**I do not own Leverage.**

**A/N: This is getting quiet dark. Darker than I actually thought it would. So the rating had to be changed. I don't know if I'll upload another chapter before Christmas since there is some work to do. Anyways, I hope you still like the story.**

I watch Parker cleaning her hands for what seems like the 20th time since this morning. We asked her not to. Dr. Blackwood asked her not to. The police asked her not to. But she says she just can't stop she has to get rid of the dirt. She feels dirty while she's very clean. Brows frown in concentration my girl watches as the water peels from her pale skin.

I know all of those signs.

I think I'll never forget the girl, who came to live with us three years ago. This Parker was completely different from the one I went to the movies with two weeks ago. Not speaking, not eating. She was frightened and closed. Always on alert. Beautiful blue eyes always watching, recognizing every single move. She'd put her bed against the door or sleep in the vents. When we went to the mall for the first time she almost had a panic attack when we asked her to try the clothes on. After she finally started eating again she'd always watch us eating for ten minutes until she'd poke at her food with a spoon.

Since that incident when she almost stabbed Eliot's sister Tara with a fork she is not allowed to use forks except for special occasions. She'd spent hours cleaning her hands after being touched even if it wasn't on purpose.

As time went by she dropped most of those habits one by one.

She still dresses in a dark room and we have to cover the mirror whenever she takes a bath. But she gained a lot of trust. I'm allowed to wash her hair and sometimes she asks me to help her with the zipper of her dresses. She likes it when we brush her hair. She let Eliot teach her how to tie laces.

And now? Now she's starting the hand wash thing all over.

I know exactly what that means. As I see how more and more blood ends up in the sink I can't help, but reach forward and touch her by the shoulder.

"Parker..." I bite my lower lip as she flinches. Whoever hurt her, I'll bring him to justice and if it's the last thing I do I'll make sure to do that. "I'm sorry." I feel myself blush.

Parker doesn't react. I'm not really surprised by that. She continues to clean her hands hard. Too hard. Her ankles bleed so much. I walk over and stop the water.

"No," she complains loudly "Stop! Turn it back on! I need to do this!"

"Parker, no. You're bleeding..."

She cuts me off shrieking and escapes the room. Blood dropping from her ankles to the floor.

I'm glad the boys are off to their grandfather so that they don't have to see her like that. I guess, she wouldn't like them to see her weak like that, neither. She probably wouldn't care for Eliot not much, since he already saw her in a similar condition, but she'd care for Alec, I'm sure.

I take the first aid kit ready to follow into her room, but Nate stops me.

"Let me talk to her" he says. I shrug and hand him the little case.

"She's very dazed, but go ahead. Try."

He gives a weak smile and then enters the room. I hear him starting to talk to our daughter. He does it like that every single time when something's wrong. He does the same with the boys. He has this gift to pretend nothing has happened and yet at the same time figure out a solution for the actual problem. Just that in this case this won't help; we can't find the solution ourselves as long as Parker refuses to tell us, who did it.

I get a sneak peek of the room as I walk by to the stairs. Nate is sitting on the bed next to Parker. Her face is red and swollen from crying, but she stopped crying. She whimpers a little while Nate puts the bandage on her ankle. She sniffs, but she doesn't yell anymore.

It's good to see her relax with him. Even though I can't help her today. It's good to see this family still makes her feel better. I take the stairs in order to prepare dinner. Today it's just the three of us. Jimmy is taking the boys out to some Irish festival to 'make them connect to their roots'. We don't have a point telling him that Eliot's Texan and Alec's family lives in Chicago for five generations.

Parker's favourite food is chocolate. Since she clearly can't have just chocolate for dinner I've prepared some mousse au chocolate for dessert. I think she'll like that.

Right as I have all supplies ready to make some salad the doorbell rings.

I thought Jimmy wasn't coming until tomorrow. I call up "Are you waiting for someone?"

"No" replies Nate. I shrug and go to open the door. I'm surprised to find myself talking to cops one second later.

"Mrs. Ford" one of them asks.

"Yes?"

"We're here to talk to your husband. Is he home?"

"Yes, he is."

I don't have a clue what they could probably want from him. He's an honest man. Actually, I'm surprised they're asking for him instead of Parker.

She'd refused to talk to any police officer today. We took her home after she had a panic attack and they allowed us to go. After that she was busy cleaning her hands.

Nate comes downstairs and Parker follows in his steps. She looks haunted. Her eyes are so big.

"Mr. Ford" the cop asks for clarification.

"Yes, that's me"

"You're under investicative custody. Everything you say can be used against you. If you'd please let us cuff you..."

I blink my eyes twice. This just can't be right. There must be a mistake.

"What? But... I didn't do anything" Nate says eyes widened in shock. Never mind he holds his hands up to them.

"No" Parker demands "Let him go!"

"Mrs. Ford, could you please take your daughter away" one of the cops asks me. He looks so sorry. His eyes are on Parker and suddenly I know what's

going on.

"Nate would never do this! Never in life would he do this! How could you even believe...?"

Nate cuts me off as he realizes what I'm saying. "I would never _ever_ do anything to her! She's my daughter, goddammit" he yells. Parker starts crying. I pull her away from Nate's arm, which she's clutching to and let her bury her face into my lower chest.

"Mr. Ford. Do you really want her to see you like this?" Nate's eyes tear up. He looks at Parker. He's in handcuffs. This just can't be real. I can't believe what's happening here. Nate would never...

But why doesn't Parker tell them that? Why doesn't she tell them that he never did anything to her?

"No. No. I don't want her to see me like this."

He doesn't say goodbye to me or Parker. He just lets them lead him to the car. I'm in such a big shock I can't say anything except for "why?"

"We found some of his DNA under her finger nails. Her psychologist agrees that it is possible" the cop, who still looks at Parker with these excusing eyes, tells me. "But I wouldn't be sure. Maybe... this is just a horrible mistake, but we have to make sure, you understand?"

I nod; running my hand through Parker's hair though I don't understand, don't wanna understand.

"You can come and visit your husband tomorrow if you like. Or you can wait. I'll tell him you can't visit him if he asks" the cop asks almost silently. But I hear and nod again. I just can't believe.

The cop also addresses Parker. He taps her shoulder. Parker flinches a little, but then turns her head to face him. "Are you ready to talk to us?" I hear him ask. I'm not concentrating on this right now. I see Nate in the car. He's looking at everything that's happening.

Suddenly Parker jumps forward and starts boxing the cop into his balls. He falls to the ground almost immediately.

"Parker!"

Nate's trying to get out of the car, but it's locked. Parker scratches at her bandage and cries as she repeats "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" over and over. I manage to catch her hands and keep her from scratching, but she's willingly to scratch trying to escape from my hands.

The other cop helps the one Parker kicked to stand.

"It would be great if you'd make a testimony tomorrow. All your kids will have to give their statement to prove your husband..." he chuckles "guilty or innocent."

I clench my teeth, whether I don't wanna do that.

They hurry to get away. Parker tries to get away, too. She's now screaming trying to run to Nate. All the neighbors are watching as the police take Nate away. I don't even care anymore.

Everything is broken if this is true.

"I'm sorry" Parker screams. "Come back! Please! I'm Sorry!"

All I can do is pulling her into the house, but I can't calm her all night. She doesn't sleep. She cries all night. The next morning I wake up to a mess of wet blankets and sheets and Parker's gone.

**R&R would be great! Thanks for reading!**


	10. sometimes it's all that helps - Eliot

**A/N: After those heartbreaking news I think the next update will take me as long as this one did. I just can't believe they canceled Leverage. I always believed the fan base was loyal. They sell the most DVDs of TNTs. Why?  
**

**+ Are you still interested in this story?  
**

**Thanks to my beta CLVayaella7 =)  
**

Eliot's POV

Sometimes all a boy needs is a work-out. It's strange, but sometimes this is the only thing that helps.

Like when I screwed up my biology test paper. Like when my little avocado died after the first frost though I kept it inside. Like when my father is under arrest for abusing my little sister. Sometimes, it's all that helps.

I just want to punch this thing over and over.

Jeez, I'm angry. I don't know what to believe in anymore.

What's true? What isn't?

I just don't know. But, obviously Parker does. And obviously she doesn't tell. And even more obviously she wants Nate to come back home.

Yesterday Sophie awoke to an empty bed, an empty house. Parker was nowhere to be found. After searching every single spot, every vent and every little hiding place of hers Sophie called the police. She was gently informed that Parker was safe and sound at the police station ready to make her testimony. They were just about to call Sophie as she called.

Apparently Parker got up at six in the morning and walked two and a half hours to the police station in the city. She's afraid of bicycles and clever enough to avoid buses and taxis when all alone early in the morning.

They started the interrogation after Sophie arrived, but something went horribly wrong.

I don't know what exactly happened. Sophie didn't tell me and won't soon, I guess.

Parker must've changed her mind, or something. She didn't tell who didn't it to her…who abused her. Further, she didn't answer any question directly connecting to Nate.

Then something bad must've happened. I don't know what-Sophie won't tell me-but probably she had a panic attack including screams, crying and self-harm. Sophie's now watching her 24/7. Parker isn't in the mood for anything, though. She doesn't want to go to the playground, she doesn't want to watch movies, and she doesn't want to play games. I regularly stumble across her sitting on some chair watching everything with her creepy blank stare. Or I hear her crying when I walk past her room.

Everything at home seems so lost. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to leave. And it's only been two days since Nate got arrested.

This holiday sucks. I don't wanna spend it without him. What's it even worth then?

There is no one I could call. I guess, Tara would pull all strings to get me out of that family. She's been having trouble with that whole open adoption stuff lately. She blames herself for giving me up. And she doesn't like me saying I like it here. If I'd tell her about what Nate might have done…but didn't do…she would get me out of here. And I don't want that. Even though it sucks right now, that's where I belong. They're my family.

Amy is all bitchy lately. She complains about every little thing I do. I'll probably break up with her. So calling her for help and then break up is not the best idea. She might spread the word about Nate everywhere in school and even though Parker isn't on my school it might sooner or later hit her. And what's about Alec? No one really cares for him right now. But he's got his Nana to talk to.

I don't even have the balls to go and talk to Nate. In prison.

I don't know about Parker, not really. I hate whoever did this to her. I'm sorry I couldn't prevent it. Yet, I don't know what happens if I get my hands on this damn bastard-I can't promise not to kill him.

But Nate?

I can't believe Nate did this. Why on earth would he do this? I don't wanna believe he did this. He loves Parker; he really cares for her-no doubt. But in a whole other way than that accuse him.

I just can't believe that the man, who fought away all of our nightmares; who brought me up and through puberty; who gave me the money for the movies with a smirk when Sophie wouldn't; who bought me a shaver without a word after I'd been using his for some months…I can't believe that this man would ever come to my baby sister's room at night for anything else than paternal comfort.

That damn bag is heavy. Probably more heavy than me, but that's good. I need this today. I growl and nobody gives a thought. That's why I love this sport. You punch and it's alright.

I told Sophie my thoughts. And what did she do?

She told me I was right and it'd be okay. That we'd be okay. But I know the tone she hits when acting. She was acting. My own mother didn't believe that the husband she's been married to for almost twenty years now hadn't done it. But he hasn't! He's not the one to do that. He would never touch her. It just can't be true.

Yeah, I blame Sophie, because she doesn't believe.

Parker hasn't even accused Nate! She didn't tell anyone he did it! So why do they keep him locked up while the real monster still touches her every day? I punch. And punch. Still my ankles will never bleed in the way Parker's do.

"Hey, Ford!"

Shit. I didn't see Lawrence and his stupid pals show up today, considering it's Sunday. The gang is more Friday oriented.

"Carell" I reply not even taking notice of them. I'm not in the mood for some stupid small or bully talk. I'm in the mood for punching.

"I've been hearing about your sister" he says.

I chuckle. How could he possibly know about her? That's nothing for him to know.

"You must be angry."

Damn, right. I am. But I'm rather confused because they all seem to know.

"Danny's father is a cop" Lawrence explains pointing at a kinda small guy with large blue eyes. I doubt he's through puberty by now. "Damn, Mr. Edwards felt sorry for your sister when arresting your dad."

I don't say a word. We remain in silence. I don't wanna talk. I'm ready to turn back to my punching bag as Lawrence spits out some very cruel words. "You must be so happy your sister is safe from this monster now."

"He didn't do it" I yell. I wanted to sound calm, but I'm too angry and I show. Dammit.

"Really?" Lawrence furrows his brows innocently. "Danny heard otherwise." They give some dirty laughs.

This is it. They're laughing in my face. They're laughing about my sister, who's been used in so many wrong ways that it just hurts. They're laughing about my father, who's sitting in jail innocently. Fuck.

I reach forward and do what's absolutely forbidden in the whole gym. I punch him right into his stupid face.

He whimpers silently as he stumbled backwards blood dropping from his nose. I don't regret it.

"Damn" Lawrence says looking at the bloody sleeve as he pulls it away from his nose. "I think you broke my nose…Hell, he broke my nose!"

Suddenly they're all on me beating me up and mocking me. Punch, punch, punch. I hear someone yelling at them, demanding them to stop. They just don't stop. They know they'll never get back into the gym again after doing this. So why would they stop. They beat the hell out of me.

The rules in the gym are pretty strict. What I did, beating Lawrence into the face, would probably give me one month off. What they do, beating me up one against seven, will get them barred for life.

Damn, this is not good! Nate's in prison. Sophie's got enough to do with the kids. 'Specially Parker. If they put me into the hospital…Well, let's say it's quiet the worst time for that. But my ribcage kinda hurts…

Finally, some guys manage to call the hounds off. I feel weak, because I couldn't do it myself. But I'm just not in the mood for more fights, more blood. I wanna die.

Someone shakes me slightly. I open my eyes, which I had closed to protect them.

"Eliot! Eliot, are you alright?"

It's Mr. Howorth, the owner of the gym. He once was a fighter, too. But he had to quit, because for health reasons.

I manage to pull myself up onto my feet somehow. Parts of my body are covered in blood and bruises, but fortunately I haven't lost any teeth. I also doubt that anything's broker. Just like Lawrence' nose that clearly isn't broken.

They're gone.

"I'm alright" I tell Mr. Howorth. I've been training here for years. I was under some separate treatment starting at age eleven though it's usually age 14 and up. Mr. Howorth knows me. He's offered me his first name-Mark-couple of times, but I think this would take some of his authority.

"Is everything alright" he repeats holding me by the shoulder. "At home." Obviously he must have listened to some of the talk between Lawrence. Or he must've heard, too. Probably everyone already knows about my devilish dad. I wanna say yes. I wanna tell him we're good. I wanna tell him that we don't need to call anyone to pick me up. Instead I shake my head and start to cry. Will anything ever be good again?


	11. Parker makes a decision

**I don't own Leverage. If I would it wouldn't have been cancelled in a thousand years.**

**Happy New Year, guys! Thank you for all the reviews. I hope I could answer your questions. =)**

**Oh, and I changed the rating back to M just to be on the safe side.  
Thanks to my beta reader, CLVayaella7. This wouldn't be the same without you.**

It's been a week, two days, twenty two hours and fourteen minutes since they got Dad arrested. I'm counting. It helps me with staying alive.

Whenever it happens I keep counting.

"Take off your clothes!"

Five days, twenty hours and forty five minutes.

"Not so slow. You know exactly how long a lesson lasts,

Missy."

This day I starred right into his face and asked him to stop. I hadn't asked him this in days and he really seemed to be surprised by me asking. Then he laughed in my face.

"You still think I'm the one responsible, silly?" It wasn't a question, not at all. He continued to laugh, while he opened his pants. His underwear already showed. I didn't wanna see. But I knew asking was helpless. So I turned my head and continued undressing.

Five days, twenty hours and forty six minutes.

Mr. Cheshire didn't wear a belt. I wasn't really surprised.

"You done?"

I shook my head and told him yes. He laughed.

Then: "Good. So now you can help me undress."

I struggled with my breath for some seconds. Never before he had asked me to do that.

Since Dad got arrested it got worse. He feels safe. And he knows I won't tell.

It's my burden. I could go there and tell them and Dad would be free. But when I'd return home with my Dad we'd probably return to a house filled with dead bodies. He'd make sure to kill them so that I'd see.

Open eyes like Nicks. Opened but dead.

At least, Dad's safe in prison. Mr. Cheshire can't hurt him. He wouldn't risk going to the police anyways, I guess.

The last time – a week, one day, nineteen hours and fifteen

minutes- he used his belt to hit me and I could help but scream at this new feeling. He actually regretted it after placing bruises over my body for five minutes. He was afraid someone would see.

But he isn't stupid. He thought about it and found a solution so that no one would see.

I refuse to wear dresses and skirts without tights since forever.

So he told me to wear tights and long sleeved dresses and t-shirts. At least until you couldn't see anymore.

He still seemed to regret it. He looked at me and mumbled some things like: "What a shame… so beautiful… innocence… doesn't look nice." I can't remember all of them. I was busy counting the minutes.

Twice as much as I once loved English I hate it by now. Mr. Cheshire made me swear never to ask to stay at home even if I really was sick. He feared someone would notice and be smart enough to make the interconnection. If I'd stay at home I'd have to make sure Alec does, too. Or Mr. Cheshire will kill him.

I know exactly when it happens. No kid seems to notice him always dragging me out of the room to his office. They don't even notice my straight A's. I still get them when I had in a white sheet of paper. Alec doesn't ask anymore, because I didn't answer when he did. Now he spends the class looking out of the window not even taking notice of those private lessons as Mr. Cheshire calls them.

First, I thought going to school on days without English was better than staying at home all day.

But then, Mr. Cheshire did the unthinkable: He told Sophie I was so intelligent that he'd like to give me some private lessons. Sophie thought this was a good thing. She thought this would distract me.

Oh, indeed it does.

At six days, twenty one hours and thirty four minutes he asked me to call him Daddy during our private classes.

One day later I noticed that I couldn't walk properly anymore.

That day he didn't do what he usually did. He simply tortured me for two hours until Mom came along and picked me up. I thought I was going through hell, but I was wrong.

A week, two days, twenty two hours and fourteen minutes.

He looks into my eyes with that devilish grin of his. He's in the mood for playing games. That's pretty delicate for me. When I don't know what he's up to I can't prepare myself properly for what's going to happen. If I tell my mind he'll take me on the desk two minutes before it happens I won't scream. If I tell my mouth I'll have to take him in I can't shut my eyes at the right time. If I tell my body he'll take the belt and hit me again – he started liking this and nobody asked about the long sleeved t-shirts since it's near winter – I can prepare for this.

If I don't know what he's up to on the other hand it'll hit me even much harder.

I'm already naked. I feel his breath warm and fast against my chest. I'm so much out of place that this alone would make me cry if I wasn't controlling my body and mind. But I know soon he'll take control of my body and then my mind will be the only thing I have. Leave alone counting.

A week, two days, twenty two hours and sixteen minutes.

I tried to stop him so many times. All such attempts have failed.

I'm getting tired of trying. Nothing changes. No one sees. I think, they don't really want to see. Mommy's so sad they got Dad arrested. But she doesn't check if the signs are still there. Eliot only walks past me whatever I do or wherever I am. We haven't exchanged a word in days. Alec, I guess, doesn't know about such stuff. He's just one year older than me. Usually you don't know about that stuff at that age.

Mr. Cheshire grins that devilish grin of his and opens his new belt. There are some metallic features attached. I bet this'll hurt.

A week, two days, twenty two hours and twenty two minutes.

I've gotten used to this after five minutes. It still hurts, it still bleeds, but I don't cry anymore. I think he likes seeing my cry and I don't want to do him that favor. I don't have a clue how he's going to stop all that bleeding. Most likely he has planned this as well. He'd be stupid if he didn't. Guess, he would have stopped after the first two if he hasn't anything prepared.

Now he's stopped. I look down at me. So much blood. I don't know when I lost more blood: today or whenever he took me on the table. I look up meeting his crazy eyes, look away and blink. He scares me. Whenever he's in class he's so different.

He's still the same teacher I liked so very much. Whenever we're at his office he's like a monster. His look's different from Jesse's though. Jesse was always drunk when he did it. Mr. Cheshire is in full control of his mind and body. Something I might never be again.

Suddenly he reaches forward and twines his belt around my throat. Then he contracts it.

I can't breathe. Hell, I'll die if he continues! I can't even count anymore! My hands go up to my throat I try and pull at the belt, but he tightens it some more. I struggle for breath, but I don't get any fresh air. I want to cry. I want to scream, but there's no air to do that. He pulls me by my hair and forces me to look at his face. Pressed against his legs I feel something familiar.

I don't have any power anymore. My hands fall down I can't make them try pulling the belt off anymore. My eyes close and my headache grows. I feel my mind smile at the thought of death.

And then it's over. Mr. Cheshire relaxes and moans. I fall back against the desk and slip down to the floor. As I feel my throat's free again I reach out my hand. I'm so happy I can finally move again.

I feel everything. I blink my eyes and cough. Although I'm still struggling for breath I get the air. It's like a panic attack, when it's over. I need so much air. I can feel my heart pound against my chest. More air.

A week, two days, twenty three hours and fifty three minutes.

I'm having tea with Mommy. I didn't talk much today, but I've made a decision. Again, my head pounds against my chest like jackhammer. I don't know how she'll react, but I know there's only one way to figure it out: I've got ask her.

It takes all my courage. After all that happened today I know it's gotta be done. I know he's the only one that'll listen in the way I need. I can't tell. If I tell they'll die. But I can try to tell.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, bunny?" She smiles at me, but her eyes are tired. She doesn't sleep very well anymore. Her eyes match mine. I don't want to wake her up with my nightmares, but she's eventually awake anyways. I know she only wants to be a good mother, but I think she should get her rest, too.

"I want to do something."

"Alright. What is it?"

"You've gotta promise you'll let me do it. And you don't tell me what you think about it. You just let me do it" I say. I know this must sound horrible, but I got make sure.

Mommy seems to be confused. She blinks her eyes twice and then nods.

I take a deep breath in. So, here we go.

"I wanna go talk to Dad."

A week, two days, twenty three hours and fifty seven minutes.

**I'd be very happy to hear your thoughts.**


	12. Nate's being visited

**A/N: Sorry I kept you waiting for so long. Hope you're still interested. Happy New Year, by the way =) I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts.**_  
___

_**Nate's POV**_

_Parker just turned five years old. She has blue eyes like the sea and light blonde hair._

_Parker's a smart child. She is already quite independent. Parker washes and dresses herself. She is a very shy, but once she opens to someone she's outgoing and sensitive. Additionally, she tidies up her room without being asked and likes to keep everything clean. Parker is acquainted to courtesy. She does need some advice in ethics, morale and how to treat people sometimes. Parker is hyper intelligent. She is extremely talented at arts and has already started school. She will probably skip one or two classes soon. _

_Parker needs patient parents, who will manage to tell her right from wrong, while not scaring her away. A stable and safe home (financial safety as well as family safety) is required. She will be good as a single child. Since she had a twin brother when younger, she will also work in a family with siblings. Those should be older than her by at least five years, because she needs much attention. Parker should be the youngest child in the family if possible the youngest child all over the lineage (including cousins, etc.). Parker doesn't have any allergies towards animals except for horses she is able to cope with pets. A near playground would be good since Parker enjoys the monkey climb and parks very much. _

_Parker is up for adoption._

Three years ago, those were the things I first learned about Parker. There was a picture attached featuring Parker and her twin brother, Nicholas. He was murdered by her stepfather, which we didn't know when we first read about her. We didn't know anything about her. Of course, no one told us about her being abused for a long time. This scares most potential parents out, our consultant told us once while in the adoption process of Eliot.

But what we did know, was, that she belonged with us. From the first moment I saw her, I knew she'd be mine. I can tell Sophie has dressed her for today. She wears a blue corduroy dress with tiny pockets in shape of ships attached among the matching blouse with sailor collar. And white tights, of course. Parker would never wear a dress without tights. She wears her green shoes, which, as always, doesn't match the rest of the ensemble. She loves them so much. Whenever we walked past the window of the store she stopped and stared at those shoes until we could make her go. Then, one day, she came to the mall finding the window empty. She was heartbroken, but she didn't say a word. She didn't mope at all. Parker's good at hiding her feelings. She didn't hide them when she got the shoes a week later, though.

At least Sophie made her wear a red hairband. That must've made her happy.

Sophie's only visited my twice since I got arrested and it's been ten days already. I could tell by the way she was talking and she was acting that she wasn't sure how to cope with the whole situation. I'm not sure if she considers me innocent. I doubt it, actually. It hurts.

Eliot didn't visit once. Alec, neither. I understand. Alec's still a child and I bet he didn't even bother asking. He's the odd one out since the whole terrible thing started. We all know that. He doesn't even have a reason to come back and visit the Dad, who forgot to pick him up, because he was busy with his sister. Eliot, on the other hand, proves me wrong. I thought he'd come. But apparently he's just as weak as I am. Would I come and visit my Dad if he was accused of abusing Parker? Probably not. Probably, I'd pick my gun and…

No, I wouldn't. He'd still be my Dad. But I'd make sure that he'd never ever see her again.

I'm actually surprised Sophie let Parker come here today. I know she had to say yes, because Parker can't visit me if Sophie doesn't accept it. Someone has to approve that a daughter can see her father, just because she's still a minor. With all her knowledge and inadvertent experience you should think Parker would have special rights. Of course not.

At least, it seems like my wife still has enough faith in me that she doesn't think I'll abuse our daughter in a police office. What a proud man I can call myself.

Parker's looking at my outfit with huge eyes. I wear an orange suit. It suits me, unfortunately. I wouldn't mind taking it off and go home to my family.

"Parker" I say as she sits down. Even though I want to I'll not take her hands. This might seem like… Well, fuck this. I never touched her anyway.

"Dad" she whispers as she takes my hand and pats it gently. "Daddy, I'm so sorry."

Huh? Now, that really surprises me.


	13. What's life?

**Still not owning Leverage.**

**A/N: Updated as soon as I could. And I have a late answer for patty cake rocks. Sorry, I must've missed answering you before. **

**patty cake rocks: No, Eliot and Hardison won't go against Nate. It's just pretty hard for them to cope with the whole situation. We'll have a sight of little hacker's POV soon. =) Eliot, we already saw in... chapter 10, 11 or something?**

**Hope you enjoy. Reviews would be nice.**

_Life is a game, play it. – Mother Teresa_

Parker sits there cross legged. Her eyes scanning the room.

So childish, so young. Yet so mature and grown up.

I'm so sorry, Daddy.

I don't know what she means by that. I didn't touch her, that's for sure, but she isn't responsible for me being in prison not at all. I have to tell her that. I gotta make sure she understands that she's got no influence on what happens to me and here at all.

"It's alright, bunny. It isn't your fault" I say.

She shakes her head no.

"I know what they'll do to man, who… I know what they'll do to you. And it's all my fault" she sobs. Screw the cop watching behind the one-way glass. I've gotta comfort her if it's the last thing I'll do. I don't even know when and if I'll ever see her again. I reach out for her hand stroking it softly. "Sh… You don't have to cry, Parks. It's gonna be okay. You don't have to worry about me."

"I'm so selfish" she says out loud. "If I could get myself to just tell them the truth…" She bites her lower lip. "You might come home."

I widen my eyes. Hearing that the cops might think I'm guilty as well as they could think this proofs my innocent. This is delicate statement, truly. It's hard. She's my daughter, my baby girl. I don't wanna push her. But I know she's right.

If they send me away from detention center to some local prison the guys will soon find out, why I am there. I would tell them, of course. I would try blaming it on someone else. They wouldn't even care. No one likes child molesters. I don't like them, either. I hate them. And if I got my hands on Parker's stepfather or the monster, who's got his hands on her making her bleed… I don't know what would happen.

Still, pushing Parker into the direction I need her to go would be wrong. But if she doesn't make her testimony they might keep me here for a little while longer and then prison will be the next station. And I don't think I can take it.

"If you ever feel ready to talk then…" I shrug. "Just do it. If you don't feel that way there's no need to talk."

She looks at me and her eyes have teared up.

"But it's too late" she gets out between her sobs.

Apparently, Parker doesn't react to my touch in a way she would if I had abused her. At least, there's no cop coming in for now. I start to brush through her hair and she flinches a little.

He brushed her hair as if he was Sophie? That freaking bastard.

I stop the motion and turn back to her little hands. There's some color on her right hand.

"You painted" I ask, though it's obvious.

"It's a picture of Jesse and how I kill him" she mumbles. My eyes widen, again. I doubt they can widen a third time. I don't know what would happen in that case. Maybe they'd just pop out.

Parker grins weakly. "I was just kidding" she soothes me. "I just wanted to scare that cop behind the window. I've drawn some landscapes."

It's pretty disturbing how her mood changes. She's eight, so she won't be pregnant. Depressions, maybe?

"Parker, are you very upset lately?"

"I'm always upset."

Damn, that breaks my heart.

I know I need to tell her something to cheer her up. I need to make her know the world's a better place than she thinks. I need to make her know she's accepting and loved and I don't expect anything from her. I'm so happy she visited me I should thank her… But what can I give her?

And then, suddenly, I think of something that fits.

"Parker, do you remember that one poem I read to you once?"

"You read plenty of poems to me." She makes a lunatic and annoyed face. I have to stop myself from laughing. It's incredible how _she_ cheers _me_ up only with her presence.

"It was about life. And it was by mother Teresa" I tell her.

"I don't know" she admits. She's stopped sobbing now. The tears dry on her pale cheeks. "What did it say?"

"It says 'Live is sorrow, overcome it.'" At her disappointed face I add vaguely. "It also says 'Life is luck, make it' …And many other things?"

She lifts up her face so that I can meet her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. I can see that she's lost another part of her innocence. Soon it might be gone. I feel myself tearing up, but I try my best not to show it.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, you're always upset. And I know life sucks sometimes. Most likely you feel lost and to you everything sucks, but the thing is that it's still worth living… it's a game. It's a challenge. It's got its up and downs its bump in the roads. You just have to choose it. All or nothing. Understand?"

She nods slowly. "I'll think about it."

"Alright." I stroke her hand. Maybe I should change the subject to normal father-daughter-stuff. "How's school?"

Parker frowns immediately. She studies my face with a weird look. It's even weird for Parker. After she's either found or not found what she was looking for she shrugs and tells me that everything is in its place. That gets me suspicious. I know her stepfather used to use that term when anyone came up asking about the children and why they behaved so strangely.

Everything is in its place.

I study her face in return. I don't know if she'll answer my question. There's something wrong in her school. But… what? Sophie said the kids were doing fine. Though, Sophie said a lot. I think she felt very uncomfortable with me in that room. Unlikely Parker. She's used to such rooms. She connects them with a hell lot of pain. With the loss of her twin. With her stepfather. But right now she doesn't show any sign of feeling uncomfortable except maybe the frown she gave me after I asked her about school… Maybe the kids are bullying her? Did they find out?

"Is everything alright with you classmates?"

"Yeah" She furrows her brows wary. "Actually, Hannah invited me to her birthday. Why?"

"Just asking."

If it isn't her classmates then… teachers. Oh my god. Teachers. Male teachers. With unfettered access to the kids. People, the parents lay their trust in. people, the children hate or rather… adore.

It pops out before I can think it through.

"Parker, who was it?"

"What?"

"Your teacher. Who of them did this to you?"

Suddenly she's on her feet her breath's coming out short. Panic attack. God, I gotta think!

"Someone call 911" I yell towards the window. The door pops open and some female cop's storm in getting a hold of my daughter.

"Breathe, bunny. Please, breathe with me."

Her eyes are widened. She grips at her throat and coughs.

"Did she have such before" one of the cops asks. They're both nervous.

I don't bother reply.

Parker's hands are now reaching out for me as she finds she can't help herself. She's practically yelling after me with them. I take another step towards her.

"Sir, you may not…"

"The hell do I care! I know what to do, alright? Just let me help her!" Not waiting for an answer I turn back to her. Sweat's running down her forehead and she's now panting hard.

"Parker? Try and sing our song with me, what do you think?"

She doesn't reply with a nod or anything. She's just holding my ankle still panting. Shit. I've gotta try either way.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands…"

She doesn't sing along. Her eyes flutter. She's losing it.

"Did you call 911 already!?"

"They'll arrive in a minute" one of the cops that followed the women says.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"I don't know! Usually sing helps her" I know that I panic right now, but what can I do? She's probably running out of oxygen right as we're talking. If it wasn't for those women, who're constantly talking to her in order to calm her down she'd probably lay around the floor by now.

"PARKER!" It's another voice. A familiar voice. Sophie.

She's right at our girls side. Parker's struggling to keep her eyes open by now, but I hear the ambulance sirens and I relax a little.

"Bunny, they'll be right here. Just keep your eyes open for some more seconds. Don't stop breathing, alright? We'll try sing a song, alright?"

"I already did that Sophie" I say. Parker's still holding on to my hand, but I feel her grip loosening. She's running out of power.

"You" Sophie yells at me, "truly did enough for today. Just look at her… Oh god, bunny?"

I see she's closed her eyes.

Well. She had panic attacks before, but she never closed her eyes. They were always scared. Of course, who wouldn't be scared when running out of breath, but she never closed them.

"STEP AWAY!"

The paramedics rush in putting the oxygen mask right on Parker's mouth. They put her on a cot and rush to get back out.

"Who'll drive with us?"

"I'll come" Sophie and I say in unison. Sophie turns to me and glares. She's angry at me. Why? Because I've found out who _really_ did this to her?

"You've gotta stay here, Mr. Ford." One of the officers say.

"What? No! You can't keep from my daughter when she's in hospital!" I'm angry.

"Obviously, we can."

I glare at them. How dare they…

It seems to require a lot of negotiation as Sophie says. "I'll call you when we're there." And then she just leaves.

I bump my fist against the wall in frustration.

I was so close. And now I got my kid in hospital.

_Life is a struggle, accept it. – Mother Teresa_


	14. A mother's decision

**A/N: It's been two weeks since my last update and I'm really sorry for that. I just had my last testpapers before semester's over and I really had to do something for school. Luckily, winter holiday starts soon and I'll have more time to write. Please let me know your thoughts on this one until then. =)**

"Mrs. Ford?"

I slip off my seat immediately. The Doctor is new to me, which confuses me since Parker had always had the same Doctor at Boston Children's Hospital. Anyways, I'm dying to get some information on my daughter and it seems like only this man can give me some, so it doesn't matter.

"Yes, Doctor…" I look for his ID, but I don't seem able to find it.

"It's Dr. Gray. Sorry, I should have introduced myself" he takes my hand and I shake it politely.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Gray. Despite the circumstances." It's my standard salutation for doctors, judges, lawyers and teachers, who call, because something had happened in school.

"Dr. Mathews is currently out of town, but she sends you all her best" he clarifies. He looks young like he's just dropped out of med school. He is slim, his hair is of a shade of dirty blonde and his eyes are green. He looks a little bit like Mr. Cheshire, Parker's English teacher. Parker will probably like her new doctor. Even though he looks nervous, he also seems quite fond and concentrated. I trust him to treat her well.

"Parker is stable by now. She's awake, but very exhausted. We'd like to watch her overnight" young Dr. Gray tells me.

"Of course" I say.

"I'm sorry I've to ask you that, but… we've got a full house. Since Parker's eight I'd ask if you might consider…" He shrugs. Apparently he doesn't have the balls to ask this question, though it isn't even bad.

"I understand. It's not her first night in a hospital. It's not her first night alone, neither. She'll get over it eventually" I tell him. "Now may I go and see her?"

"Of course. She's room number 5" Dr. Gray says. I wave goodbye and take off to Parker's room.

She's sitting in her bed, hands folded over her lap. Apparently, she's up to something.

Ignoring the wires in her arm that must hurt her she guides me to sit down at her side, patting the mattress.

I look in my daughter's face. Hair sticks to her face. I brush away some longer flick of hair and stroke her head gently.

"Hey" is the only thing I manage to say. I feel ashamed. I wasn't that much of a mother today. Even though I'd blamed Nate at the time I know this was due to my decision. I should have never allowed her to go and talk to him. Why did I even let her? Why didn't I call Dr. Blackwood before and ask her about her thoughts? Why?

"I'm fine" Parker assures me in a reassuring mode. "Don't worry."

"I know I shouldn't it's just… I'm so sorry" I tell her.

"You don't need to be, Mommy. I'm sorry" she repeats her own words from earlier that day. I could watch her behind the mirror glass, a cop right next to me as well as a psychologist, who was looking for the answer, for the truth.

"Darling, there's no need to be sorry. You haven't done anything" I say.

She shakes her head at that, determined.

"That's why I have to be sorry! Because I didn't do anything" she tells me.

"I need to do something! Daddy doesn't deserve any of this."

It's a breakthrough, but I really don't want to push her nor force her to do anything. She's had enough today, in my opinion. And she doesn't need another panic attack. She doesn't like the intubation tube, who does? I just continue to brush her hair.

"He's there, but he didn't do anything, just like me. He shouldn't be there" she whispers eyes focused on her hands, which are now moving nervously.

"Bunny… Your Daddy knows you love him, but you also know that not every love is right, don't you?'

"He didn't ever touch me, Mom" she says. I stop brushing her hair. I've hoped she'd once say that for days. But she didn't say it. She didn't even make noises. No, she sat in some random place in the house staring blankly at something apparently only she could see. And now, she says it. She says it, but she'll have to say it again. She'll have to go back to that place and make her testimony. And then she's gotta say it again, else it doesn't matter.

"The doctors, who checked on me, should soon tell you" Parker trails off now in a storytelling mode. "They must've seen. Daddy's in prison for over a week now. My bruises are newer. And I don't need them to put Eliot into prison, too."

I watch as she starts to cry, but she doesn't even seem to notice. So strong, so brave, yet so fragile and vulnerable.

"Parks…"

"No, please, I need to tell you, because I don't know... If I'll ever be able to repeat it" she begs her hands now clutching mine.

I nod. I don't know If I even want to know the truth, the only thing I can think about is that he's still out there. And that he's still doing this to her. And that she had this blank stare and none of us noticed that it wasn't due to Nate being in prison, but due to her digesting her life and memories. And none of us even thought about that she wasn't jumpy anymore, because she was hurt. We all just assumed she was sad.

Sad about Nate abusing her, and sad that we'd discovered. Sad that our family was falling apart and nobody seemed to stop it. Because, really, I should've been the one to stop it, which I didn't.

Maybe I didn't stop it, because I'm still angry at Nate for taking all chances of us having biological children. Maybe I didn't stop it, because I was so numbered by hearing it. Maybe I didn't stop it, because the possibility of someone else still being there abusing her hurt too bad.

I was selfish and I left my child behind. Maybe SJ did have a point at not really meeting us at all.

"Will you promise me something" Parker asks pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Of course, bunny, anything." That's a stupid thing. No one should ever say that, I realize. But I just did and know I've got to keep my promise.

"Promise, you won't let this affect us" she says and I know she's referring to our family. I nod.

Parker takes a deep breath in and then she tells me something that makes my heart collapse.

"I'm numbed. I know it would be better If I told you the truth, but… I can't." She blinks her eyes and locks them with mine. Blue meeting brown. They're of a different shade of blue than Eliot's or Nate's yet they connect my family. Alec's drawn to my side of eyes. And they're so sad and… frightened. This look. It's like when she got to us.

She's now crying again and this time she notices. Her voice shakes as she tells me hastily why can't tell.

"If I tell he'll hurt you. He'll kill you all. He said he'd do that. He'll kill Alec first, then Eliot and then you and Nate. And he'd make me watch. He'd make it look like I'm responsible in a way…" She trembles as she thinks about it, while my heart races and I grasp inadvertently. "He'd make it look like I'd kill you. It would be more than me just being responsible for it… we all know I'm not a firm person. Something like that could happen. I could kill you. It isn't making up out of thin air."

She's practically yelling right now. I try to soothe her, stroking her back, but she tries and shakes my hand away.

"As long as I stay quiet he won't kill you. As long as I do as he demands nothing is going to happen. As long as Dad's in prison I figured he'd be safe. But he isn't safe there, neither" Parker cries.

"Parks! Come down! No one's gonna get hurt."

"Really?" She's furrowing her brows. "Then who's at home with the boys right now?"

"They're on their own. But Alec's at his Nana's right now" I tell her.

"So they're both alone!" Parker clenches her teeth. "Eliot's strong, but Alec…he isn't. Anything could happen to him on his ride home… Will you pick him up? Please, you gotta pick him up!" She's got a tight grip on my blouse almost tore it apart.

"I'll pick him up, dear, but you've gotta relax. Who's gonna hurt us?"

"I can't tell you or he'll kill you" Parker repeats. I take her face into my hands.

"No one's gonna harm us. I promise. But no one should harm you, neither. So please, darling, you've gotta tell us who did this to you?"

Deterrent, she shakes her head. "I told you I can't and I won't. I've already told you too much."

She leans back into her pillow. Tears still streaming down her face.

"Sorry, bunny" I say, although I'm worried as hell. "I didn't mean to push you."

"I'm tired", she says, "Please go home."

I nod. "I'll come and pick you up tomorrow."

"Alright."

As I'm on the door she calls out for me again like she usually does when I bring her to bed, but this time she's doing it differently, like she hasn't done for a long time.

"Sophie?" she calls out using my first name. I flinch a little, but turn around. She has called me Mom for over three years now. I'm used to that, Sophie's just a memory with her.

"Don't tell the cops", she tells me. It isn't a question, it's a demand.

"I can't promise you that, Parker", I say, I don't want to lie to her.

"But you have to!"

"Parker…"

"Mommy, please."

"Alright." I give in, though I suspect this will turn into a lie. I just can't keep that secret. If there's a man out there threatening my daughter like that I just can't keep quiet.

"Thank you. Goodnight, Mommy."

"Goodnight, bunny."

I leave. When I'm outside the building I'm already dialing the police officer's number.

"Officer Crane."

"Officer? It's Sophie Ford. I've gotta talk to you…"

Sometimes a mother has to break her promise. Even though it could tear her apart from her daughter.


	15. we're all mad here

**A/N: I know it's been a while. I had a lot of trouble at home and I just wasn't in the mood to upload, sorry. As usually I thank my beta, CLVayaella7. I think she's doing a great job! :) I don't know when I'll upload again. But I WILL finish this story, I promise.**

Mr. Cheshire's POV

My parents never liked me. They ignored me as soon as I walked on my own. Actually, they never wanted me. All the same, it's a pity. It borrows the cliché of the bad men they show on TV, but I can't help it. Whatever I might do it is as broad as it is long.

I was an accident. The mistake. They already had my brothers. They didn't need me. They only kept me, because they couldn't afford the abortion.

My brothers knew about that. They noticed our parents treating me differently. They noticed my parents naming me after the dead dog. They noticed just how small and week I was. They also noticed how naive I was. Putting the emphasis on _was_. I'm not naive, not anymore.

My brothers mocked and hit me ever since I can remember. When I was younger I believed what they told me. I believed I'd deserve it. My parents never interfered. This convinced me of my nemesis.

We lived on a farm, so probably I should tell another story. A story about little cowboys riding horses. Maybe I should reckon this one time, when me and my brothers delivered a baby cow on our own. Yeah. I guess, this is pretty much what I should have to tell. But I didn't have such a peaceful childhood. Actually, it was anything but peaceful.

When I look at it now, I have to admit my brothers did their job quite well. They were 12 and 9 years older than me, so I never actually had a chance when younger. At the time I started Elementary both my legs, my left arm and my wrist had been broken at least once. We never went to the hospital because of my wrist. When I finally had correcting operation on it, because of the pain, the doctors had to break it once more.

But it works pretty well. At least, little Miss Ford might agree with that.

All my bruises and injuries were officially caused by animals. I could've said something, but my brothers made me believe they'd kill me if I did. Murder is quite threatening. It works pretty well. Actually, my brothers gave me the idea for my current actions. Thank you for that, bros.

No one would've cared for those injuries even if they would've been in the need to explain, though. On the countryside where I lived every boy suffered of some hitting. It was something that belonged to educational methods. Really, no one cared.

It took me years to brace myself and have my revenge. I had to rally my strength first. Material arts and pumping iron every day for more than a year. I also had to figure out the truth. I was already going to High School when I figured it out. Until then I blamed myself for my brothers' actions. But when I realized what they did was wrong I decided to come back to roost.

I started with my eldest brother, because he was the most cowardly. Plus, he'd be missed by my family only. Since he rarely ever called it would take them some time to notice, too. He'd moved out soon after his 18th birthday. He'd still beat me up when he visited every now and then.

He wasn't aware of me waiting in his apartment. I left him in the bathtub. Hardly alive and entirely dressed. I didn't dare to undress him. It didn't fit into my revenge anyways. Frankly, I was too weak to do anything but stabbing him from behind. I was angry at myself, because I couldn't push myself enough to get even properly. I was too scared of my memories and what to come. So I stabbed him in the back. Once. Twice. Three times... I lost count soon. Later the police told my parents he was stabbed 21 times. Quite a lot.

I was exhausted that night. I put myself in bed and slept two days through. Nobody looked after me. They never did. And I really didn't mind missing some school. I wrote myself an excuse and everything was fine. I didn't have any nightmares.

The next time I seeked proper revenge. It was getting strange at home. No one really believed I could've killed my brother. But I noticed my parents glaring at me couple of times. Formerly, they didn't care to waste a glimpse for me. I don't think they ever suspected me. Little did they know...

My second eldest brother had a fatal car accident. Just so that nobody would dare to connect their deaths. Apparently, his breaks didn't work properly. My Dad blurted about the loss of his wrench days before.

I didn't cry at the funerals. And I chose not to kill my parents. They didn't deserve to die. They deserved to suffer for the rest of their darn lives. Additionally, two murders in one year were pretty exhausting. I couldn't imagine four of them.

Two years later I graduated and went off to college. I was looking forward to that. Parties, alcohol and girls. I was in a good shape back then. Girls adored me. I got a lot of sex.

But it turned out what I became wasn't relevant. Those girls couldn't please me. I wanted happiness now that my brothers couldn't interfere anymore. I soon realized that I wouldn't find it with those college girls. I tried it more than once, but they just couldn't.

15 minutes. I always watched the clock. 15 minutes and they lay there, panting hard after their climax. I had mine. But I wasn't happy. I hoped for it to feel good. It didn't feel as good as I'd imagined. I was disappointed.

I finished college, quit sex and parties and decided to become a teacher. English, because that was the only thing I could. I went to New York. After my internship was over I started at an Elementary school in New York. Two years later I became the class teacher of some first graders. We went on a class trip.

There was this one girl. She became homesick and cried all day. In the end I let her stay with me. There was a bunk bed in my chamber anyways. She was asleep and I was just watching her. It was deep night. I was tired and would soon go to bed, too. I'd just finished some work and was currently drinking a tea, when she licked her lips in sleep. And I grew hard.

I was embarrassed. Longing for her felt so wrong. But that night I realized only little girls would be able to please me. I rejected to give in. I resisted her and all the other kids, whom I watched with different eyes since that night. It was hard, but I knew it was wrong. And I didn't want to do anything wrong.

What I did to my brothers was something they'd earned. Those girls didn't deserve it. They didn't hit me or something. They never harmed me. But still.

It was Halloween and a little girl ringed at my door. I was horny, because she was wearing such a small and tight skirt. She was dressed as Tinkerbell. I told her I'd forgot the sweets and asked her to come in. She was naive. Too naive.

I don't blame myself for everything that happened this night. She suffered. But she provoked me with her damn dress. I gaged her. I later blindfolded her, because her scared eyes turned me off. Unfortunately, she lost so much blood that I knew she wouldn't survive.

I didn't wait another day. The same night I buried her in the woods. I had to drive over an hour to get there. It was a nice grave. I even managed to plant a small tree there some years later.

Amber. Her name was Amber. They said it on the radio. But for me she'd always be my Belle. My Tinkerbell.

It didn't take me to long to figure out that I couldn't stay in town. Even though I wasn't any of the suspects I feared a gen test or anything. I had to get out of town. I moved to Chicago, where I found Lacey.

Lacey was 7 years old. She was blonde and she had deep green eyes. I fell in love with her just because she was like Belle in so many ways. I didn't touch her once. She was in one of my classes. But I often found myself horny when around her.

Half a year after I started working at Lacey's school she came up to me and told me that her stepfather touched her. I promised to speak to him.

I actually planned to do that. But when I considered I came to another thought. Why shouldn't I just make a deal with him? I went to Sam Regensburgh the other day and told him that I knew. I wouldn't tell, though, as long as he'd let me have some fun with her, either.

I kept the light turned off whenever I made love to her. I didn't want her to see me or tell. She was blindfolded. But I was a little sad, because I would've liked to see her eyes.

The years passed. Lacey grew older. Old. Older. Too old. When she was 12 she didn't mean anything to me anymore. I had some intercourse with her every now and then, but it just wasn't the same anymore.

I did major research before I changed towns. I found a school for hyper intelligent children with a girl that had been raped. A blue eyed, blonde haired angel named Parker Ford. She'd been raped ever since her third birthday. And she seemed to have a loving family.

I was angry at her, because her family loved her. That's why she totally deserves every little bit of. Including my belt. I never dared to hit Lacey. But Parker... She's just perfect.

I know she'll never tell, because she loves her family too much. I'll leave her alone once she hits puberty, but right now she's tiny and fragile and everything that turns me on. I've gotta do something against those bruises, though. I don't really like them.


	16. who's the one to blame?

**A/N: I'm wondering - are you guys still interested? I've got some tests the next three weeks until holiday, so a weekly update is the only thing I can offer you If you like... Anyways, ****I tried to research the American justice system, but I couldn't get my hands on proper stuff, so it would be nice If you'd just excuse errors. You can also tell me If there's something you want to see corrected, then I'll change it. Thank y'all!**

"Mr. Eliot Ford to the court, please."

I get up, walk over and sit down just as calmly.

I know the rules of the court. I'd already been here once, while in adoption process. I know it.

I sit down. All of a sudden I feel all eyes on me. Blaming me for what I've done. Judging me for what I'm going to say even though I haven't said anything yet.

I can't blame them, though. It's all on me.

I had all options. I could've told the police what I knew. I didn't need to do any of the actions I actually proceeded. I didn't need to do this in the first palace. Nobody forced me to... well, nobody, except maybe me. I just felt like taking matters into my own hands. I know it was stupid, but really: Who can blame me?

The police didn't do anything for my family so far. Nothing good, at least. They put my father into jail innocently. My sister almost died having a panic attack at their HQs. They scare both Alec and Parker in general. No really. Who can even blame me?

"Eliot Spencer James Ford."

I nod conformingly. I nod at all the other information he requests me to confirm: My birthday, my birth name, not related by blood or marriage...

My eyes, though, are drawn to the people in the court. Except for the petit jury, the judges and lawyers and... the monster, whom I didn't want to face, almost all of my family is here.

My parents, as well as Uncle Jimmy sitting behind our lawyer. Even Tara made the way from Washington, where she currently works, to attend. None of my other siblings are there, though. My godmother Maggie couldn't come, because she stays at home with the little ones. Whether I miss the support of Maggie and the kids I'm glad they didn't come. I don't want to say what I'm going to say in front of Parker. I don't want to disappoint Alec, the boy, who, whether I like it or not, would love to be a little more like me. And Maggie... She doesn't need to see me like that, neither. Actually, nobody needs to see that side of me. I'm ashamed.

It's like Sheryl Lee is standing right next to me, whispering: "The more we deny that we have a dark side, the more power it has over us."

I denied my dark side ever since I realized that I had one. The first time I hit someone weaker than me I couldn't sleep an entire week. I couldn't believe what I'd done. And it's always been like that. I felt bad if my dark side showed up, but I was too weak to ask for forgiveness.

I buried my dark side. I denied it. And that's why it hit me so hard.

Just this time I don't feel guilty. After I did... well, what I did, I went on like usually. I tried Parker's trick and buried my clothes in the garden. I showered, changed clothes and arrived dead on time for dinner. I didn't even care about what happened after I left that place. That damn dark place...

Actually, when I think about it, it's a good thing Parker's at home. Her fresh cast would only freak me out. I really need to stay calm, though. Parker will have to retell her tale of woe often enough. I'll avoid involving her as much as possible. If possible.

"Mr. Ford, could you tell us what happened on the 25th February?"

I nod. "I planned on celebrating my birthday party that day, but after my sister had a panic attack I canceled", I say.

"Your sister?"

"Parker Ford. She's eight years old", I tell him. Silly me, I know I've to tell them names not just periphrases. Why didn't I just say Parker then?

"Go on."

"I went to see her and asked her what had happened. She told me that she'd told our mother, Sophie Ford, about the man, who..." I chocked. Hard. I know I can't change anything that happened to my baby sis. Yet it kills me. She's such an angel. She deserves better. She deserves a brother, who protects her from the monsters. Not someone, who goes all crazy when the damage is already done...

"Mr. Ford? The man who?"

"The man, who molested and abused her for over 10 weeks, Mr. Jonas Cheshire."

"Mr. Jonas Cheshire?"

"Yes."

"The man, who's carrying on this lawsuit against you?"

I nod. "Yes." My eyes are locked and cool. I just can't hide my feelings for this man. It would be better If I could.

"Mr. Cheshire, who's an English teacher loved by everyone at his school", the lawyer asks me. That bitch. He dares to talk of him like he's like anybody else, while he molestes little children.

"Yes, I suppose that's him." I bite my tongue. Ironic comments aren't needed. I wish I could stay more calm.

"Alright then, Mr. Ford, did your mother know, who exactly your sister said molested her?"

"No. Parker didn't tell her his name. She chose to tell only me, because..." I swallow. "Because she trusted me to protect her from him."

"So your sister told you my client abused her?"

"Yes." God, I hate those rhetorical questions. So stupid.

"And what did you do after you head of that?"

"I told Parker I'd take care of that. I promised her he would never lay his hands on her again. She hugged me and I made sure Sophie took good care of her safety", I say.

"Where did you go after you left the hospital?"

"I drove straight to the hospital with my bicycle. I wanted to confront Mr. Cheshire. I planned on making him go to the police himself."

"Why didn't you just go to the police, Mr. Ford", he asks me. It's a tricky question, I know. But I have an excuse.

"Honestly, I'd lost all my faith into the police back then. They arrested my father, while your client was still abusing my sister as if she was some..."

"Objection! That's an accusation!"

"Objection sustained."

I clench my teeth a little, so that no one can see. God, I'd love to...

Fuck. That damn dark side is making noises again.

"Never mind. I just didn't believe in the police so much." I take a deep breath in. This was the easy part. I'm afraid of what now to come.

"So what happened when you arrived at school?"

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Parker told me. She uses to use that technique when she's having panic attacks and nightmares. And trust me, she's got plenty of 'hem.

"I found Mr. Cheshire quite quickly. I told him I knew. He laughed at me. He said no one would believe Parker anyways, because she was... and, my honors, that's an actual quote so please don't arrest me for saying - a freaking crazy fucked up unsocial idiot..." I wait for it to sink in. "I blew a fuse. I just punched him into the face and I yelled at him, told him I would go to the police and took off."

I drop my gaze. This wasn't as easy and yet the hardest part will be so much harder. I don't know if I can make it.

I'm exhausted. Maybe I need a break.

But that wouldn't be fair. Parker didn't get her break, neither, did she?


	17. dither

**A/N: Sorry for taking a lifetime... again. I was kinda busy. I had three options for this chapters, though, none of them wouldn't really work so yesterday I finally chose this one. Thanks to my beta, it's here already! =)**

"No!"

"But it's our best chance..."

"No", Sophie repeats quite harshly. "We're through with this. Parker won't testify. And that's that! Period."

She crosses her arms in front of her chest, determined. In the dim light of the late evening she frowns a little.

I sigh. We've been discussing this ever since they first saw me about Eliot's case. I'm their lawyer in the lawsuit they carry on against Mr. Cheshire, too. I know exactly the way Parker freaked out when she last visited the court. I know the risks. I don't mean to put her into any danger, physically nor mentally. But I just can't deny the truth any longer.

If it keeps going like this, we won't win. We'll lose. We'll be doomed, actually.

"I know you just want to protect her, but you've got to consider Eliot." I take a sip off my whisky, because, really, I'm in need of a drink after that day at the court. "Our lawsuit is horribly thin. If we keep her out of this, I'm afraid the jury will vote guilty."

Sophie shakes her head. Dark hair flying around like nothing. "There's got to be another way!"

"Eliot is already sixteen. I watched younger children go to juvie", I clarify. I'm not about to give up on this one. Eliot is a good boy. Even though it won't be easy for Parker to testify, she's his best chance. Of course, their parents can't dither.

"We're not including Parker in this", responds Nate. He's drinking water, of course. Parker is afraid of men and alcohol if combined.

"We'd benefit from her testimony", I try.

The wind brushes softly through the opened window.

"Please, Colin, you're one of the best. Don't you think we could try something else?" Nate takes one of Sophie's hands in his, both to reassure and comfort her, but also to hold onto. It took Parker some time to warm up to him. He doesn't want to lose it. He loves her so very much. But he also loves Eliot very much. It's hard.

I bet Eliot's still awake. The kids are one floor up. He says he's gotta make sure they're safe. Nate said, he started limiting his sleep. One week ago he slept for five hours only, today he seems to be fine with 90 minutes a day.

"I'm afraid we're running out of options here", I tell them honestly. I open the file and flip through it. I've been doing this for quite some time those days. Not that I found something. I didn't find anything. But still, I gotta keep looking. Maybe, I've missed something...

I bite my lower lip. My next question is a bit of a risk, but I just have to ask. Even If it's not easy. "Have you even tried asking her about it?"

"Don't you think it's enough she's gotta repeat in front of one court?" Sophie snaps. I sigh on the inside. Of course, I do think so. But there's no other way.

"Don't you think she spent enough time examined by doctors", Sophie goes on, angrily, "Don't you?"

I don't really dare to answer.

"Well, I for one think so."

Damn, she really thinks I don't care. As if I could ever take one step back. As if I could ever forget what she told the court, before... well... As if I could ever forget the pictures shown to us. As if I could ever ignore the words I've heard and read...

"Sophie, you know I care for Parker, too. If there was another way... I clearly wouldn't ask", I tell her as calmly as possible. I take a deep breath in, before I turn the tables. "But don't you think she's lost enough already? How's she going to cope with loosing Eliot then?"

Sophie glares. She's speechless, you can tell.

I know it wasn't really fair. Yet it was true. And I know that's something, she herself can't deny. Parker's beloved twin brother Nicholas had been beaten to death by their father, who abused her. The nightmares never stopped.

Parker adores Eliot. Everybody knows it. He's her role model, whether he likes it or not. Actually, Eliot acts like he's annoyed, but: truth is he loves her very much. Why else would he have done, what he did?

He'll go to juvie without a word. He did what he did, because he was determined. He did it to protect Parker. He did it, because he didn't protect her in the first place and blamed himself for this. He did it for a reason. So, he'll go to juvie in case we lose, no doubt.

His life will be ruined. He'll never get rid of his juvie time. He'll never make it up for it. Maybe he won't go to college. Probably he'll end up at a poorly paid job affronting his intelligence. Society pretends discrimination against ex-cons never happened. We all know it happens all the time.

Eliot doesn't deserve that. He isn't the one to blame. If there's anyone to blame it would be me. Or Mr. Cheshire, based on point of view.

"There must be another way", Sophie repeats weakly.

"I can testify."

We all turn around. Parker stands in the doorframe. Eyes sleepy, blond locks all over her face, cast green, bunny clutched to her chest with the healthy arm.

"Parker!" Sophie can't help, but gasp. "How long, have you been listening, honey?"

Parker shakes her head. She's not going to answer this question. I'm surprised she made it down the stairs without a sound. They're very loud, actually. "Doesn't matter. I can testify for Eliot", she repeats.

"Bunny, you really don't have to do this. If you don't want to. Nobody will make you", Sophie tells her. She reaches a hand out to Parker for her to take and sit down in her mother's lap.

Parker clutches her bunny even harder and shakes her head, more eagerly this time. "I want to. I can do it. It's not a problem."

"Parks..." Nate gets up from his seat and kneels down in front of his daughter. "So you say, but you know it's easier said than done. Once you'll see him... things might get out of hand again..."

He doesn't need explain what exactly he's afraid of. Been there. Done that. Parker, though, doesn't really seem to care.

"It'll be different this time", she says, "I promise. I can do it. For Eliot, I can do it."

She couldn't save one brother, now she's holding on to the one, who's left. I swallow, but nobody seems to notice. It's amazing. Nate and Sophie have a silence conversation discussing whether or not they'll say yes.

"You think you can do it", Nate finally emphasizes. Parker agrees to that and nods. "I do think so."

"Alright."

Alright. Just like that. They've discussed it. They believe her. They believe she's strong enough to do it, despite prior events. I'm impressed. My dad never thought that high of me.

"But as soon as you feel uncomfortable, you tell us and we're out", Sophie adds. "You won't climb any more trees with two arms like this." She points at the green one. Parker smiles shyly.

"It won't get out of hand this time. We'll make sure", I assure instinctively.

"Now, let's go get you back to bed", Nate tells Parker. "You want some milk before?"

Parker nods and says: "But we've got to be silent. Eliot's sleeping in front of my door."

"How did you...?" I'm curious. She really seems to be amazing at escapes. Life's trained her.

She shrugs and raises her healthy arm. It shows obvious scratches. "How was I supposed to know he replaced the gorse with blackberries?"


	18. the meaning of it all

**A/N: Guys, I'm so sorry. Life's been crazy. Yesterday Pirl sent me a message asking whether I'd update again... March 1st was the last update and I really feel ashamed. I'm so sorry. Here is another chapter. I promise, this story will be finished. It might take me time, though. So sorry again.**

The court is quite creepy, really.

Alec doesn't really know why they made him go here. He won't testify. He wouldn't have wanted to if they had even dared to ask him. They didn't, though, because this is all about Eliot and Parker. Everything always is.

He understands. Kinda. Eliot and Parker are their adopted children, which makes Nate and Sophie their parents. Alec knows adopted children are very important to their parents. Biologically children do have those rights, too. The fostered ones don't. If someone gets beaten up, nobody cares. If someone goes to juvie, nobody cares.

Not all foster parents are like that, though. Nana for example is a heart of a soul. She's harsh sometimes, but she really cares for the children she fosters, or used to foster. She did everything possible to get him into the school for geniuses. She didn't let anyone look at them strangely.

But Alec knows there are very bad ones out there. Parker, for example, had it very hard before she met the Fords. Or at least he has been told. He isn't exactly sure what the grown-ups refer to when saying that she's had it hard. But she's cool, so probably, it wasn't that bad at all.

He can't tell, though, because he just knows her as his happy-go-lucky friend. Sadly, she isn't as happy anymore. Maybe that thing happened to her, one of his foster brothers once told him about. Maybe she's growing up.

Alec hopes she isn't. If she is, that would be very bad. She's his only friend.

"Alec", she says and he turns to see her.

"Mh?"

"What's the meaning of life?"

He's surprised. He never thought about that before. "Why are you asking?"

Parker ignores him and goes straight on with another question. "Do you think it matters?"

"What? Your reason to ask?" Alec nods. "I do think it…"

"No, the meaning of life." It's quite surprising she just says it like that. Normally she'd mock him playfully, calling him Alice or silly.

He decides to tell her what Nana once told him. "Well… If God's above there… He probably orchestrates us."

"What If there's no god?"

"There _is _a god", he tells her seriously.

Parker blinks. "Why?"

"Because there's no god down here. He's gotta be above."

Parker smirks. It's getting cooler and darker. Later. She'll soon be called in and he'll be left alone with those police man and yet they're discussing something that's so clear.

"You not say."  
Alright. She wants to pout? Why not? She wants to play a stupid game? Well, he could play along.

"What's your favorite animal?"

Surprised she blinks and then shakes her head. "That's not the point, Alec."

"What is the point then?"

"I told you: Do we live for a reason", she repeats slightly annoyed. Apparently, she really hopes he's got the answer to her question.

He doesn't. He's nine, thank you very much. He doesn't care about life, not really. He's not asking such questions. God made them. They're here. What else does matter?

But he gives it a try. Just for her. He thinks about it and comes to a conclusion. "You know… when it comes to living beings like plants or people probably, but electronic stuff shouldn't really care I guess."

Parker takes it in, every word of his. She's biting her lower lip and frowns in thought. When she's done processing she asks: "What's the meaning of life then?"

"I don't know…" He scratches his head. Parker is not content. She's waiting for him to go on, tell her. Damn, this really is affecting her! "Maybe, it doesn't have to have a meaning?"

"But why do we live then?"

Alec sighs. She should've this conversation with someone else. Someone, who cares about this, too. Because really, he doesn't. And he doesn't want to.

Luckily, he still remembers what Nana told them before they went to bed each night. "Because… we are lucky to love and be loved."

Parker smiles at that. She likes the thought. Is love the key to life? Maybe. It does make some sense. But then she frowns, as she notices her mistake.

"Alec, what if there's no love?"

It's easy for her to ask as she doesn't really know what love is. But: Does anyone really know _what _exactly love is?

"Without it life wouldn't make any sense at all", Alec tells her. As he sees how surprised she is by his words he adds: "At least, I've read that somewhere…" He shrugs.

"Does this mean the meaning of life is love?"

Oh well. That's it for him.

"Seriously? Is the world round?"

"Well, scientifically it is. But does it even matter if life doesn't mean anything?"

He sighs for what feels like the 100th time since they started talking. "Not really, I suppose."

Parker gets back to her issue in a sec: "So why do we live then? Just to love?"

Alec is surprised as he answers without another thing he's read or heard, but something he actually found himself. "Bases on whether you want to love or not. Do you want to?"

"I don't even know what love feels like."

"Neither do I", Alec agrees and they chuckle.

"Love", Parker says and shows him her tongue. "Eww!"

Parker looks at the painting at the other side of the hall. It isn't really pretty. Without turning back around she asks: "What do you think it feels like? To love?"

He can't help but shrug for another time. "It's tough to say, really. A warm happy feeling I guess."

"Do you think Mom and Dad love each other?" She's talking about Sophie and Nate. Well it's easy to answer this one question at least.

"I suppose so."

"Do you think it's a good thing to love?"

"Honestly, I can't tell you that. You should ask Nate", Alec proposes, hopefully. It's exhausting to have this talk with her. And he doesn't feel that comfortable talking about love with a girl, even though it's Parker, who's practically a boy imprisoned in a girl's buddy. Well, at least, Alec thinks this way.

It's weird talking about love at all. It's disgusting. But talking about love with a girl… he isn't Eliot! Though, Eliot doesn't talk about love that much, neither. He prefers kissing.

"I don't want to ask Nate. I wanted to hear you speak up about this."

Alec blinks at her frank statement. But she didn't mean to… "Why?" Did she?

"What if all we do is destroying the earth?"

Oh, another what if and he's going to die. "I asked you first."

"But mine is way more urgent… please?" She's giving him puppy eyes and even though she's his buddy and he's asked first he agrees. Those eyes are freaking crazy. They make anyone do anything. It's not like he's too nice to her. It's just her eyes, really.

"Well, I think we don't do that."

"Alright. Still. Life can't mean anything since nobody will even notice we've been here once we're dead!"

That girl… they shouldn't read Safran Foer in school. It's just not good for children. Alec remarked to tell their new English teacher about that.

"I'll notice."

"Al… that's kind, but really, once I'm dead you'll find other friends to play with. And soon everyone will have forgotten about me." Parker gives him a half smile, but that's all he gets.

"Then…" He thinks. Thinks. It's hard. He wants to cheer her up, but a simple 'don't worry, be happy' won't work. "Then you just don't die. I'm sure you'll live to be 100."

She furrows her brow, but smiles honestly. "Does anybody even want to be 100 years old?"

"Does it matter?"

"Probably not…" Finally! She gives in.

Alec sinks back into the wooden bench. He's not done with the new Mario yet. She doesn't bother him for quite a while, but when they first call her in she says his name. He turns to face her. "Huh?"

"Thank you for trying."

He smiles. "Nana says nobody should ever stop trying, that would be capitulation and capitulation is the easiest way out."

Parker laughs at that with all her heart, yet shyly. Dear god, she's changed so much!

"Maybe the meaning of life doesn't matter that much."

"Maybe it doesn't", he agrees.

They call her in once more. "Gotta go", she says and gets off the bench.

"Parker", he calls, before she enters the court.

"Huh?"

"Don't stop trying, alright?"

"I won't. Pinky swear." And with that she disappears leaving Alec to sit with a police man and those strange guys in front of the door.

The court is quite creepy, really.


	19. Nate's night of mind-spin

**A/N: I updated within a month! That's a quote people! Anyway, here you go. R&R would be nice. There are only a few more chapters to go, be prepared. :)**

There was a time, when life was good.

My family was what most people would call a perfect family.

A loving couple consisting of two independet, successfull people.

A big boy, 15 years old, handsome and kind. Deep blue eyes and hair, which was probably a little bit too long, but fit him.

An 8-year-old, blonde and blue eyed little angel. Very well mannered, hyperintelligent and just a lovely girl at all. Nevermind her strange name.

A foster child, very decent and quiet. Not talking when not asked. Best friends with his foster sister and nine years old.

We had a house. We had a garden. We had two cars. The children did active sports and other activities. Our daughter created paintings you actually want to have hanging in your office.

We were happy. We were good.

I never appreciated it the way I should have.

Why didn't I?

I think back then, I just didn't understand that this is not the usual way. I just didn't get that this didn't have to last forever.

I was naive. I was so happy. I couldn't see my hand in front of my own face And then - just like that - I had to wake up and smell the coffee.

I don't know why no one of us could see it. I just don't.

I don't know why we still sent her to school after finding those clothes.

I don't know why we sent her to that stupid psychologist. She only made her suffering last longer. Or did we? I don't know.

Actually, I don't know anything. I don't understand what we did and why we did it. Probably we were overwhelmed. We couldn't handle the situation very well. We tried our best, but how was I supposed to help her from prison with all my family except for Parker doubting me?

My own journey in the prison isn't the problem, though. I could take it. I've to admit that it was depressing. Devastating, in deed. My family didn't trust me to keep my hands off my daughter. I loved her. But not in that very wrong way. Being doubted at that point hurt.

I was afraid, of course. I couldn't help it. Poeple, who're even just accused to have molestated children usually don't do very well in prison. Parker's stepfather was actually killed in prison.

Which we didn't tell her, though. Never mind all the horrible things that've happened to her, she's just a child. A very special, very brave little girl.

I should've been there to protect her. It was my responisibilty, my baby girl.

I'm the one, who should protect his children. Yet I didn't.

Parker, on the other hand, did. She came forward fearing for her life as well as for those of our family, just so that Eliot wouldn't have to suffer through my journey in prison.

She came forward to proove us innocent. She would've suffered through the whole thing forever If it kept our family save. Her family going to prison, though, was not a point of the plan, so she had to change that.

My brave girl. She feared for her safety, but she lept the hurdle.

I wans't aware of her growing up like that already. I used to think tween is the time from 10 years until you turn 13 and become a teenager. It worked with Eliot. I used to think Parker is still a kid. Yet she's further already. Not physically, but psychically. Maybe she's even further than Eliot.

Yesterday Parker cried all the way home. She'd noticed her testimony wouldn't really help Eliot that much. It tortured her.

"It's my fault he's there", she told me, seriously. I told her it isn't, of course. But saying that is one thing, getting it off Parker's mind is a whole nother box.

She started to think outside the box a long time ago. Yet nobody ever taught her how she could live with this not affecting her all the time.

It's my task to teach her that and I try, really.

It's keeping me up right now. I could be asleep, like Sophie next to me. But I can't help, but think of my children.

Eliot, my big boy. He's been so well right from the start. We never had any bigger problems with him. Anything he messed up he tried to fix. I never saw he couldn't deal with feelings. I never recognized that he went to training angry and came home relaxed. I'm so sorry, Eliot. I should've helped you with that. My big boy.

Parker, my brave little fighter. How will I be able to deal with you becoming a tween at the age of 8 years? I just don't know. I thought we'd have more time. I wished for you to have some more childhood. You've to make up the first horrible years of your life, or at least, I thought. How is it possible that you, who didn't talk when we met you, become independet yet? My angel girl.

And Alec, sweet Alec. You're such a crazy child. I wish you could share some of your spirit with your sister. I wish you wouldn't have to grow up now with your Nana dying. I wished you were a happy little boy. I wished you were confident of your actions. Your doing well, even though you can't see that. You're a good boy, Alec.

My kids, I wish I could help them better. They deserve me to be a good father to them. I don't know whether I'm even a father anymore.

But you remind me, all the time. I am.


End file.
